Proximity
by WAZAM
Summary: He wasn't supposed to love her, not with the darkened soul fame had caused. But it was too late. Because there are two sides to every story, this is his story. Because proximity is more than words, it's everything. This is where it all began. AU
1. Fangirls

Unanswered questions, uprising tensions unsolved, the thoughts of another disclosed from the world, crucial information that was left untouched!

I know, I know. I've taken FOREVER on uploading this even after I've been promising that it would be up. Writers block really does kill, you know. I've decided that I shouldn't give up on this and posted it now! We meet again for _Rockstar_, version 2.0. I have decided that it is exceedingly important that you, as my reader, understand Eli's side of the story before we continue on to _Rockstar_'s sequel. If you're thinking, "Wow, really? You're writing Rockstar all over again? We already know what's going to happen, so why can't you just give us the sequel?" Well, let me assure you, Eli's point of view is COMPLETELY different from Clare's, and therefore will stray from the original concept of _Rockstar. _Clare was not close to the drama, she was the target. Eli, on the other hand, _was _the drama. Getting into his head is going to be a lot of fun after reading _Rockstar, _so I know you will enjoy this just as much as you did in Clare's point of view.

Also, I am happy to say that I now have a **beta-reader,** **AvivaAria**. Although her work is not widely known in the Degrassi category, she is a very good writer and I highly recommend her writing. Please do not harrass her with questions or spoilers about new chapters. She's sworn to secrecy. She did not edit this prelude becaue I leave tomorrow for New York and I wanted to post this up.

**Rating will change to M later on in the story!**

Also, if you are new to my writing, I recommend that you read _Rockstar _first, but it is not necessary to understand this. This stands as a story all on its own, but it is a branch from the original. Without further acknowledgments, I give you the prelude to _Proximity._

**Disclaimer: **I own a life, not Degrassi.

**ELI'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

_Prelude._

I am going to die.

Running.

Panting.

_Thumping, thumping._

Pushing.

Pulling.

Sweat falling, muscles clenching.

Gasping.

Panicking.

I was going to die in a matter of seconds if I didn't get my legs to push faster against the wet pavement.

It was half past ten on a Tuesday night a few years ago in my hometown Ontario, Canada, that it became clear to me that my career as a professional rock star had begun.

A few weeks before that night, I was just as regular as a "punk-goth kid" in high school could get. I had my unnamed band, my hearse, and my fohawk mousse; that's really all I needed. Then on one fateful day during band practice in my garage, my dad decided to bring home his radio guest star for dinner, who just so happened to be one of the representatives of the top major label company, ENF. Basically, if it weren't for the fact that he thought our music was interesting, I would've been subjected to a lot of sucking up out of courtesy. It's funny how he ended up having to suck up to us so that we could give him a free show. The next day when Adam, Drew, Fitz and I were jamming out again, more ENF people showed up at my doorstep.

It was pretty nerve-racking for all of us when the head of ENF wanted to hear us play. But we played, hard and loud.

We tried hard to swallow our stutters when they asked us intricate questions about each of our goals, music theories, and compositions. So we answered, originally and honestly.

When they were gone, they left behind a possibility of making a career out of our music. It was insane; I never thought we were good enough to actually go out of the garage phase yet but apparently they saw some raw potential in us that I didn't. As the one who brought the band together, it was my job to make sure that we didn't get our hopes up and that we kept level-headed. It was a big decision, throwing away every opportunity of a practical job and going into the music industry. Then we realized that...none of us were practical and there was no doubt in our minds that we wanted it.

A few days later, Jordan James Moore, also known as JJ, called and begged for us to sign our unnamed band with their company.

"Bring it on," were my smug words.

The weekend before that fateful Tuesday night, JJ came by with our contract and we became official rock stars. I couldn't believe it myself, it was unreal. JJ sat down with all of our parents and discussed what had to be done to launch our careers at such a young age. We would have to drop public high school and take our lessons with private tutors, we would need to invest in our band and the image that we were to create, we would need a "coming out" song, we would need a new look, we would need a _name_. I had until that week to think of a name, because after that we were going to record a song and begin the rest of our lives.

So on that Tuesday night, I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I was in my black pajama pants, a grey fitted hoodie with the hood up, blood red sneakers, and my long hair down and mousse-free. Just an innocent walk that I usually took on sleepless nights, but I should have known. Too many things were going right, something was bound to happen. And what, dare say, happened?

I'll tell you what. _They _happened_._

I don't know how long I had been running, but I was running like my life depended on it. Running, panting, feeling the sweat run down my temples as the foot steps grew louder behind me.

I turned sharply into a narrow alley way and slammed back against the wet brick wall, catching my breath and desperatley trying to search for a way to out-run them. I shuddered and held my breath, listening to their high pitched squeals and frustrated moaning. I leaned my head back against the wall and percked my ears up to the sounds of retreating cries and yells, knowing that I distracted them. For now.

"Look, there he is!" a girl exclaimed, her voice too close for comfort.

My eyes widened as I turned my head and saw the growing mob of girls run in my direction. Despite my aching muscles and my frantic heart beat, I sprinted to the other side of the alley way where the streets were wide and open. No where to hide. The screams grew louder, and I focused my eyes quickly on the street signs, but I was in too much of a rush to see anything anymore. The hairs in the back of my neck began to stick up and goose-bumps covered my arms as I frantically ran to my right, trying so hard to disappear. That's when I recognized Adam's street, and instantly felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I could hide out there for a while.

They were closing in on me. I could _smell _their musky perfume floating in the air.

Just when I thought I was in the clear, I was ambushed. I froze. They came out of no where, their darkened eyes wild and passionate as they screamed and lunged at me. I yelled and grunted as I felt small hands touch and grab at everything and _anything_ in their way.

"What the hell is wrong with you girls? Get off of me!" I yelled in protest, tripping and falling to the floor with all the different forces acting on me.

"We've seen you and your band! We saw record producers come to your house! Are you famous or something?" one exclaimed.

"Yeah, are you some kind of upcoming rock star? We wanna be the first to know!" another begged.

"AHH! You're so freaking cute, can I keep your bracelet? It'll be worth so much when you become, like, famous and stuff!"

"MARRY ME!"

"NO, he's mine!"

"I WANT HIS SHOE!"

"UGH, MOVE!"

I shut my eyes tight and tried to fight them off, but it was too much. For petite looking girls, their actions were anything but small and weak. They pulled, they shoved, accidently kicked and scratched until I couldn't even fell my own skin. It was too much, I felt like I was suffocating and choking at the same time. It was too much, too much. After a few minutes, a really big guy intercepted the mob and got them to go away. He touched my shoulder, trying to help me get up but I cringed away from it and shook uncontrollably. He sat down on the side walk with me and offered to call an ambulence, but I didn't want anymore attention.

We stayed there for thirty minutes, silent and unmoving, until I finally willed myself to sit up and take a deep breath. I looked up and couldn't believe the serenity in the man's eyes.

"How did you get them all to leave?" I had asked, my voice shaking slightly.

"What can I say? I'm a scary guy. You're gonna be alright, kid," he grinned a toothy gin. "So why were they after you?"

I smirked weakly and took a deep breath. "What's your name?"

"Gabe, yours?"

"Ja-...Eli. You got a job, Gabe?"

"I work at a convinient store as a-"

"You want a real job?"

"What do you mean?"

"The reason those girls were after me is because my band and I just got signed, and apparently the word is getting out fast. I need you..."

"...?"

"I can't...You saved me, and I owe you. If we ever go big time, I hope that you'll be my body guard."

"Ahh, so you're gonna be one of those musicians. Well I've got nothing better to do with my life. If you ever need a big guy, I'm your big guy. Fan girls are a trip."

And despite the aching crawl inside my muscles that still burned me after the violation that happened, I laughed. Little did I know that it would become a natural instinct to cringe away from another's touch.

**oooooooooo**

It was time.

I was sitting in the back of my World History when I got the text from Adam.

_JJ is in the front office, he's getting our transcripts and officially getting us out of high school. Celebration subs in a few!  
-Adam_

I closed my phone and stuffed it in my pocket, clutching the hood of my hoodie closer to my face so it would hide the bruises on my left cheek bone from my first fangirl attack the week before. It was only a matter of time before I got called out of class and I would be free of this school forever.

_No more freaks, no more weird stares, no more boring teachers, no more-_

"Oh my gosh, what happened to your face?" a sweet voice asked, lacing with worry.

I looked up and my heart skipped a beat as I saw Clare Edwards' big blue eyes staring a few inches from my face as she stood next to my desk. Oh, how long I had dreamed to have the courage to speak to her, to have her this close, to stare into her eyes and get lost until all of my pain and suffering went away. She didn't know who I was, she didn't know that she had become my secret obsession for the past two years that she had been in Degrassi, she didn't know that this was the only class I looked forward to because I could see the back of her golden-honey hair, she didn't know that the only thing I would miss about school...was her.

_...-no more Clare Edwards._

"Nothing..." I murmured nonchalantly, willing my eyes to break the spell and look out the window.

Maybe I should just tell her that I had a small, tiny crush on her. What did I have to lose? I was probably never going to see her again...

"Well if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm Clare. You should really get that looked at," Clare said, her lips parting as she let out a puff of air.

I couldn't help it, her lips were like a magnet and I couldn't stop staring at them. I tried to look back up to her eyes and talk to her like a normal person would, but _dammit _I couldn't resist. The thought of hugging her came into my mind, just once, but I felt the now all-too-familiar churn in my stomach that made my muscles clench at the thought of any contact with a female. I shut my eyes and clenched my teeth, cursing the fact that I was even repulsed at the thought of _Clare _and her hands on me...her sweet, nimble fingers...

"Um...are you okay-?" Clare's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I opened my eyes and looked up into her eyes, knowing she wanted my name.

"Jay Goldsworthy? You've been signed out, you're free to go," Principal Simpson said, poking his head through the door of the classroom.

I slowly reached for my black messenger bag beside her golden flat-clad feet and swung it over my shoulder, standing up. I gasped silently as my body ghosted over hers, the friction sizzling and burning; I had underestimated our distance. She stuttered and blushed prettily before stumbling back a little, her hands on the desk in front of my own. I felt my eyes glaze over slightly and my breathing shallow, staring at her as she stared at me. I could feel my muscles twitching and my heart beat rapidly. What just something as small as distance with her did to me...

_Light bulb!_

The relationship between spacial distances and movements, proximity...proxemics...

I clutched my bag tighter and nodded curtly. "Good-bye, Clare," I murmured, before turning away and walking out of the classroom that I would never see for the rest of my life.

Because space and actions became more important to me than words could ever be, the name Proxemics was born. Because Clare was the only thing I could think about for the next two years, she became my secret inspiration that gave Proxemics number one albums, sold out tours, and world-wide publicity.

Clare Edwards...I needed to have her, and I would make her mine.

* * *

Small introduction, probably not the best but I wanted to get it out there! What did you think? I wonder what you guys will like better, Proximity or Rockstar. This is going to be so fun! I look forward to writing to everyone weekly! Leave me love!

**WAZAM**


	2. You Could Hold My Heart

1st reviewer: Zephyr-Hearts

50th reviewer: Ariel C. Rilmonn

100th reviewer: JChann18

To these three lovely people who left me the first of what I hope to be many more positive reviews. I am very pleased that I have surprised some of you with the direction of this story; I told you it would be different, didn't I? I may not be the best writer out there, but I do try my best to make sure I'm not a cheap imitation or something terribly boring. Okay so anyway, this chapter is still somewhat a prelude because it dwells on an important part of Eli's past. I tried to make it as smooth and interesting as possible, and I even added a bit of Clare in there also. The next chapter will end Eli's reflection and will kick off with Clare.

I'm sorry that it has been practically a month since I updated! For those of you who do not follow me on twitter, I gave up writing fanfiction for a sacrificial period of one month as a personal choice. Don't worry! It only happens once a year, so I'll FINALLY be able to fill up your weekends with updates, no lie this time. My regular updating days were Fridays, but I'm considering making it Saturday to avoid late updates. I don't know, we'll see. Thank you so much for being patient with me, though! I realize a lot of you probably wanted to have my head for the late updates...heh.

******Rating has changed to M for language. So be warned.**

Lovely beta-reader: AvivaAria

Disclaimer: I own a light saber from my childhood, not Degrassi. I do not own the song Hold My Heart Part One and Two by Letter Kills.

**ELI'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

_Chapter One._

One would think that a year after my Degrassi high school education was over and my life became dedicated to music, I would be moving upwards towards the stars. Well, technically that was true. A whole year of composing and recording with the help of my bandmates and the very talented song-writers and musicians provided by ENF fabricated the first album for Proxemics, _Hysteria_. People knew our name now, our album covers and photo shoots were leaking out, and the number of calls were increasing daily.

I couldn't complain, JJ announced a few weeks after the release of our album that we had reached number one. To say that my eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets when I saw the zeros in my pay check multiply constantly was a gross understatement.

So what was the problem? I had the music, the friends, the money, and the growing fame. I'm missing one very important thing, aren't I?

Oh that's right, I have no life.

The minute my eyes focused on the text written to me on my IM, I realized how much of my life had been sucked into my laptop.

_One new message!_

**clare-e23**: oh and guess what? I have a boyfriend now! :)

Dammit.

_Dammit_ all to hell, she had a boyfriend now?

My nostrils flared as I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to set back the flood of emotions breaking through the gates. I tried to stop it, but my heart was constricting painfully and my stomach felt hollow.

God, why should I even care? I added her on FaceRange on a whim.

She was no one.

What were my motives for adding her in the first place? Was it to track what was going on in my previous life?

Perhaps.

Maybe I wanted to indulge myself in her simple-minded tasks and ideals, just to stay grounded.

Then why didn't any of these reasons make sense to me? I opened my eyes sharply when I heard a _DING! _come from my laptop.

**clare-e23**: Morty? helloooo?

My eyes automatically flickered to the pictures next to her name and I knew I couldn't deny it. I groaned and raked my fingers through my unruly hair; I added her because she had this magnetic, irresistible pull. I wanted to keep in touch with her, to get to know her without knowing it was me so that she wouldn't freak out like all the other girls I've met.

What I didn't realize until this moment was that my heart had developed hope that one day we could meet and she and I could be...well it's pointless now, because she had a boyfriend.

I mean it's understandable; she's sixteen now and someone as brilliant and beautiful as her could probably get any boy she wanted. Someone she actually liked, someone that would hold her and buy her things.

Why does my heart hurt all of a sudden?

What the hell am I doing? Am I seriously feeling jealous? _Miserable_?

Unacceptable.

I looked up at the illuminated screen and placed my fingers sluggishly on the black keys. Grimacing, I couldn't help but transmit the annoyance she was causing.

**morty-golds49**: who is he?

**clare-e23**: his name is KC, he's just my type! I mean honestly, I used to hate his guts and he hated mine but in reality we were just...meant for each other!

KC? As in, KC Guthrie?...Is she fucking kidding me? The angry gerbil that looked like he should be kept in his plastic Barbie house? My fingers twitched angrily as I wrote my response. Psh, I was much more her type than he wa-_FILTER, ELI, FILTER_.

**morty-golds49**: you don't seem like you'd be into that type of guy.

**clare-e23**: what? how would you know what my type is? I'll have you know that he is exactly my type! why, what do you think my type is?

_Dark hair, green eyes, 5 foot 7 inches, 125 pounds, born on July 29th, insane guitarist, voice of a dark angel, has a number one album...yeah, that sounds about right._

**morty-golds49**: I don't know, someone who's name isn't so ominous.

**clare-e23**: ...ominous?

**morty-golds49**: yes, ominous. who the hell goes by the name of KC? why is he hiding his real name? it could be something like...Knicker Cornellius. would you really want to be attached to someone with that name? it's stupid.

I froze and actually read the thoughts I had written to Clare.

What the...? Did I really just use that pathetic, kindergarten excuse of a comeback? UGH, stupid stupid stupid. All the years of witty comments and verbal acuity and _that's _the first thing I type? My restless fingers retrieved the nearest thing on the desk, my worn out song writing pencil, and twirled it in order to distract myself somehow. What is she doing to me? I hate her, _gods_ I hate her for making me look like such a child.

...No, I don't hate her..._sigh_.

**clare-e23**: bahaha! seriously? his name isn't stupid or ominous, just saying. PLUS your name is much more ominous. Morty? I still refuse to believe that that is your name.

I leaned back, the red chair squeaking as I analyzed her words. She was changing the subject, and I clenched my jaw when I realized where I had wanted the conversation to lead. She would amuse me by enlightening me in what she thought was my type, which I imagined would be something like "gothic feel, quiet, and poetic."

Then I would have wanted to correct her, and tell her that my type was the complete opposite, in fact. I would have proceeded to tell her about all the wonderful qualities she possessed and tell her to leave her idiot boyfriend and consider running away with me...? I sighed slowly and looked down at my long fingers twirling my pencil fluidly, trying to make sense of when I became so attached.

**morty-golds49**: I have to go.

_MORTY-GOLDS49 has logged off._

I shut my laptop harshly closed my eyes, searching the crevices of my mind for the familiar thrum of music that was always there when I needed it. I took a deep breath and let my mind transform a melody in my head to fit the overload of emotion that needed to get out of my system. I heard a guitar, strumming softly and mimicking the dull ache in my heart.

_You could hold my heart._

I snapped my eyes opened and searched desperately for a paper where I could write it down before I lost it. I cursed when I found that I ran out of sheet music, and opted for a receipt for a gothic novel and a chocolate bar. I pressed the lead of my pencil into the paper and let my fingers write the melody in my head, drowning out the insanely _unnecessary _jealousy that was rolling around my head.

An A chord, a cadence that represents happiness, followed by an E minor cadence with a slightly off beat, to mask the happiness and explore the true gloom of the chord.

Then transition to D major. No...rather than the basic chord, using accidental notes...A, G sharp, then E.

Continue the melody, then switch for a chorus. Back to A chord? No, too sweet. E, F sharp major seventh, A, E, B...maybe...

_Think of me when you're dreaming and know,__  
__That I'm wide awake and thinking of you._  
_Cause I swear when you're there alone._  
_Know that I'm wide awake tonight._

I was writing furiously, switching from melody to lyrics in the way only I knew how. The once blurry melody in the back of my head was now ringing loudly in my ears as I erased and edited, added bass lines and drum beats. Lyrics, lyrics...the tricky part.

Do I want them to go with the beat of the melody?

I want it a little off, element of disorder. Add in some sixteenth notes, maybe prolong the chorus and make it much more powerful than the verse leads on. I drew the familiar black notes, hearing the song in my head, and wrote down anything that came to mind, even if it didn't make any sense. As I continued to write lyrics, all I could think of was the longing, the desire, the nearly desperate clawing in my heart whenever Clare popped up in my head which, quite frankly, was constant. She was always my inspiration and my muse for most of the songs I wrote, even when she caused so much anger inside of me.

Knowing that she can't be mine.

This is how I deal with too much emotion, too much overload, the overwhelming thoughts that one day will make me insane. I escape to the confines of my mind and somehow everything around me dissolves into nothing. It surprises me, still, how people describe me as the sensitive one, the quite one, when inside I scream and I roar with too much. Too much.

By the time I was nearly finished with the rough sketch of the song, I heard my door being opened without any mannerisms like knocking which could only mean one person.

"Fitz, I don't want to deal with anything right now," I murmured distantly, my mind still incoherent with the sweet language I cannot speak, but compose. I filled in the final chord of the song and flinched when my raw score was suddenly ripped away from below the heated pencil in my fingers.

I sighed deeply and dropped my pencil in frustration, knowing that nothing I could say would slightly incline Fitz to give me back my sheet music. I dropped my pencil, watching it roll from side to side, and pressed my fingers to my pulsing temples; I was still slightly on edge due to my music writing, but Fitz knew this. He also knew better than to ask too many questions post-composition, which I highly respected. No one else ever gave a damn about my 'excuses,' they just thought I was being dramatic when I said that writing music made me unstable. I didn't need to look up to know that Fitz was analyzing my work, critically.

"A new song, eh? 'Hold My Heart,' as you've titled it..." Fitz noted, moving to sit on my desk facing me while his narrow eyes scanned my probably incoherent writing on the crumbled up receipt. I hated when people looked at my writing when it was still raw, it felt like they were analyzing my child, preparing to tear it apart.

"It's not finished," I grumbled under my breath, "Obviously." I rubbed my temples to try and quiet down the anxious thoughts in my head.

"Well, it's good. Really good, actually. These chords look sick too. Damn, you and your melodramatic mind never fail to impress me, Emo Boy," Fitz chuckled, lowering the sheet music from his face to scan my horribly concealed scowl.

I smirked slightly at his comment, still surprised at how he and I managed to be such close friends even if we were both so snarky and sarcastic. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms defensively, still slightly annoyed that I was so rudely interrupted.

"Can we not go through our usual banter and skip to the part where I kick your ass, Chewbacca?" I insulted dryly, my smirk widening as he scoffed.

"And when does _that _actually happen, you skinny freak?"

I snorted at the nickname as my smirk faded, leaving only a ghost of tolerable humor on my lips. I stared down at my black fingernails and clenched my jaw, angry that I subconsciously allowed Clare to continue to creep into my mind, even when I was supposed to hate her for what she did. I should hate her for leaving me, even when I didn't have her at all.

"I'm just worried about you, man. You've been locked up in here for a whole week, stuck on your computer doing who knows what, you haven't come down to practice with us when you know tomorrow is extremely important, and now that I finally see a sign of activity in that brain of yours, it's writing this freaking "I miss you" song that seems like it's coming out of nowhere. I mean, the last song you wrote was about some crazy shit and after a few weeks you're turning into a pansy," Fitz paused, and I simply glared at his assumptions and accusations, waiting for him to say something stupid like he always does...

"So...whose the broad?"

...and there it is.

"Shut the hell up, Fitzgerald, I don't wanna deal with this right now," I barked out defensively, the conversation I had with Clare still fresh in my mind.

Fitz smirked smugly, and I don't know if he caught my lie or not.

"You nervous?" he asked.

"Nah."

"Seriously?"

"Eh, I guess it hasn't hit me yet."

His smirk widened.

"Good. DREW! Get your ass down on your playboy drum set, we've got a new song!" he yelled towards the hall, making me groan in annoyance.

"Fitz, why are you bringing them into this? It's not even finis-"

"FOR REAL? Bring it over! Adam! Dr. Doom is out of his cave!" Drew's faint voice replied.

"Finally! Is he done moping? BOO-YAH!" Adam's higher voice exclaimed.

"Dude...boo-yah?" Drew asked hesitantly from downstairs.

"Who are you?" I yelled back at them, shaking my head at my best friend's humor.

"Sorry...!" Adam replied, his voice fading out in the end.

I laughed shortly and turned back to look at Fitz, crossing my leg in a four shape and lifted an eyebrow in anticipation for his next move.

"We're performing this tomorrow," it wasn't a question.

"Excuse me? Are you insane? I told you it wasn't finished!" I exclaimed, a twitch in my fingers.

"Look! Whatever, we'll just call this one 'Hold My Heart: Part One' and you can make a Part Two later. With this song no one has heard, it'll bring our reputation up," Fitz stated effortlessly.

"We can't possibly learn this all by tomorrow night, of all nights!" I argued logically.

Fitz rolled his eyes and rolled up my sheet music- more like washed up receipt- into a bat, much to my annoyance. "Psh, first concert ever for Proxemics, sold out in three days. No big deal," Fitz grinned viciously.

I ran my fingers through my hair, the implication of his sentence already intimidating me. After our album hit number one for three months in a row, he suggested that we have a concert. He said we should have at least one, to try it out and see how our popularity was. After a lot of arguing and debating, we decided that it would be best to have a concert at a small arena in Canada to see how many seats would fill up. Well...yeah. I will never underestimate the power of mass media again.

"FITZ! I AM IN MY SEAT. AND I'M HUNGRY. AND I WANT TO PLAY. SO GET THE EFF DOWN HERE WITH THAT MUSIC," Drew yelled, adding completely unnecessary, in my opinion, pauses and pronouncing every vowel with exaggerated patience.

My eyes locked with Fitz's and he raised his eyebrows in encouragement. I sighed and hung my head in defeat, waving my hand lazily as an indication to go ahead. Fitz stood up from the desk and yelled back at Drew, screaming profanities that ticked off Adam and engaged in a three way screaming fest inside our summer house. And to think I actually LIVED with these people—not that I ever did anything stupid like that.

"So, you comin'?" Fitz asked, looking down at me.

I lifted my head to look at him, "Yeah, yeah. You're definitely gonna need me down there if we wanna finish this by tomorrow night. I'll be down in a minute."

Fitz lifted his left wrist and checked his watch. "Well, it's tomorrow. We've got a whole song to learn and memorize in about 19 hours," he said, moving behind me and smacking his hands on my broad shoulders, making me flinch slightly as the proximity reminded me of that night. I hated being touched, why was he-

"Oh, and uh happy birthday bro," he said, patting my shoulders twice before turning swiftly and leaving me alone in my room. That is when I realized what I had to do.

I pushed Clare to the back of my mind, where she, apparently, belonged.

"Yeah." I murmured, "Happy Birthday."

**ooooooooo**

Julia Elizabeth Locklear truly was beautiful.

Especially now, when her features weren't covered with make-up and the only thing covering her slender body was my first prototype Proxemics t-shirt. I will never, for as long as I live, forget the way she looked the morning of our one year anniversary.

The morning light shone through the large window of my room in our mansion in California, illuminating Julia's contrasting hues of black and ivory as she lay on her stomach in front of me, her arms outstretched and her back arched like the most graceful cat.

Her eyes lit with mischief and her sinfully pink lips were twisted in a crooked smile that reminded me of my own. I couldn't help but think, as I sat with my naked back against the headboard of my bed and the silk sheets over my legs, that she never failed to take my breath away.

She let out a sigh of content and crawled on slowly, seductively, up towards me. I couldn't help but smirk slyly as she straddled my hips and settled herself on my lap, her painted fingernails moving my long hair from my eyes. My eyes fell, half-lidded as I placed my warm hands on her bent legs, smoothing my way up to her hips where my shirt had ridden up and clenched the currently unwanted material to bring her closer.

"Happy one year anniversary, baby," Julia breathed out, bringing her lips to mine.

I kissed her back, the faint after taste of nicotine and mint still lingering on her lips, but I didn't care.

"Happy anniversary," I replied huskily, my voice still hoarse from sleep.

She bit her lip softly, a smile playing on her face as her eyes followed her wandering fingers on my chest. I chuckled at her enthusiasm lightly and moved my hands under my shirt, sprawling my hands over her lower back to press her closer to me.

"So, Mr. Goldsworthy, did last night's events help shake that dark head of yours to finish our song?" she asked, a flicker of hope in her eyes.

I exhaled deeply, not able to look into her eyes to respond to her. We had been working on our duet together, but for some reason I could not find the right words to say. For the first time in my life, I was unable to finish a song on my own. Julia was surprisingly interested that this song be strong, trying to encourage me to finish writing it and giving me ideas. Even the melody in my head was not clear and did not arouse inspiration to write a song. She told me that it should be easy, that I should write a song about our relationship and the feelings behind it.

But see, that's just it. For reasons beyond me, I could not compose with Julia as my inspiration.

I would stay up at night, trying harder than I have ever had to, erasing and throwing away lyrics and score that was just not…me. It was extremely frustrating for me because I had literally written practically an entire album, by myself, which consisted of fifteen songs with hardly any trouble. Why was it so difficult for me to focus on one song that _should _be easy to compose?

I looked up into Julia's expectant eyes as her skillful fingers continued to trace the hard lines of my body that usually make me quiver in pleasure, but I only felt shame. I couldn't tell her what was going on through my head, it would break her heart.

How could I possibly tell the woman I love that she did not inspire me to write anything meaningful other than cliché phrases and over-used love song formats?

I mean, I have written love songs before! I tried to look back and see what was different, what I had done to make such powerful love songs. I haven't done anything differently from a year ago.

The only thing that was different about this was Clare.

Clare's face popped up in my head suddenly, and my heart pounded at a frightening pace.

I gasped sharply at the painful memory of her beauty and her…boyfriend, and was somewhat relieved when I saw Julia grin silently, assuming the gasp was because of her ministrations. I felt disgusted with myself for having the remote thought that Clare still had a sick control over me.

I was in no mood anymore.

"We have to get ready, Jules. You know how JJ gets angry when we're late," I reminded her, purposely ignoring her question.

Julia stopped her wandering fingers near my abdomen and lifted her eyes to mine, lifting one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Like that has ever stopped us before," she smiled faintly, a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

I forced a smile and removed her from my lap by lifting her with my hands on her hips. I set her down in front of me, swinging my legs over the bed and standing towards the illuminated window. I turned my head towards the bed, finding Julia with her knees to her chest and a fingernail in between her teeth, something she usually did when she was nervous or in thought.

I sighed. "Why don't you go take a shower and get ready?"

I turned back to the window as I stretched my arms out, hearing the sliding of silk and soft footsteps approaching me. I felt her cool arms wrap around my torso from behind and her cheek press against my back.

"You're not going to join me?" she asked quietly.

I shook my head and walked forward, her arms falling from my body. I went over to the stack of papers and sheet music on my glass desk. "While you get ready, I'll finish the song so that we can show it to JJ and the guys later so we can record it this week," I murmured, sitting heavily on the black desk chair.

I heard Julia gasp and run over to me, kissing the top of my head happily.

"Thank you, you're the best! I love you, baby!" she gushed next to my ear.

I heard a shuffling of clothes, and suddenly something was thrown over my head. I scrunched my eyebrows together and picked up the offending material over my eyes to inspect it. My Proxemics shirt, the one she was wearing. I heard her giggle innocently from behind me before the bathroom door closed. I should have gone after her, I normally would have chased her and punished her for being such a tease, but I just…I couldn't.

I shut my eyes and groaned sharply. I had disciplined myself to never think of Clare as my muse again, shutting her out. I had been successful for a year, a whole year, and it took a _fucking _millisecond for her to break my walls again. How she didn't know of my feelings for her is a mystery.

I still talked to her every so often, but there were times when I distanced myself. She probably noticed, but she never called me out on it. I had somehow convinced my own mind that I felt nothing for her but friendship because I had Julia, and I still talked to her to see what was going on in "the real world." I hadn't talked to her in a few weeks.

Realizing where my thoughts were going, I shook my head and blindly searched for my writing pencil, gripping it tightly in my hand.

Okay, no more unwanted thoughts. I need to make this work; I need to make _Julia _work.

I slid a blank page in front of me and stared at it, willing my thoughts to form a coherent thought. Alright, let's see. Maybe if I use "normal people" techniques, I'll be able to form a verse. I asked myself the basic questions:

What is the subject of the song? Love.

What kind of love? A love that I only have for Julia, it's unique and it's special.

Does she feel the same? Yes, it's not a one-sided love.

Was it complicated? We weren't supposed to be together, the dark rock star and the beautiful artist.

Okay, I have all of that down. It should be easier to write a song, but I was missing the most important question:

Why is Julia so special? …

_Nothing._

Why, why, _why_?

I narrowed my eyes at the blank paper and cursed under my breath. I was becoming anxious, nervous. I raked my hands in my hair and pulled harshly, hoping the pain would relieve some of the tension. I heard the shower head being turned on, and I knew that my time was running out. I really had no excuse anymore. I've been working on this song for a few months when a regular song takes me a maximum of two to three days to actually conceive.

The fact that I had gotten away with so much time was a miracle in itself.

I couldn't go through the embarrassment anymore. I needed a sketch to show them _something._

Okay, Julia…Julia, Julia, Julia.

Petite, talented, confident, witty, mysterious, beautiful…

It was all superficial, why couldn't I look beyond? Julia was so much more than all of those superficial qualities. I was becoming desperate for anything, anyone to help me finish this for her.

Then, it came to me.

I froze and stared at my blank laptop. Should I really open up the door to the past? Hesitantly, I turned on my computer and signed into Morty's FaceRange account, the account I hadn't used in a while. My eyes scanned my scarce list of friends and found Clare's with a new picture of her on a swing set, taken from behind while she arched her head back and stuck out her tongue. I chuckled softly and leaned closer to the screen, enraptured by her innocence.

I clicked on her profile and searched around. I rose my eyebrows when I noticed that her relationship status was single. How long had it been that way? I pressed on the button to IM her, and stared at the blinking line in my text box.

Should I really…?

I looked back and heard Julia humming in the shower, the water pressure fading out her beautiful voice. Oh what the hell, maybe talking to Clare might kick in my old musical mentality.

**morty-golds49**: Um, hey

**clare-e23**: hey, it's been a while! how've you been? :)

I was surprised by her easy-going reply.

**morty-golds49**: I've been good, very busy lately. Sorry. How have you been?

**clare-e23**: kinda bummed, actually. I know that my boyfriend and I broke up a while back but I just saw him with one of my so-called friends and it really hurt.

I grinned momentarily and suddenly felt like something had been lifted off of my shoulders, but the feeling was only temporary. I had Julia now, and she was perfect.

**morty-golds49**: I told you he was ominous, but you didn't listen to me!

**clare-e23**: oh my gosh, Morty! you're still with that? well that was a stupid question, of course you are! knowing you, you're gonna hold it against me forever :P

**morty-golds49**: You better believe it, he wasn't your type.

**clare-e23**: so what are you saying? are you more my type?

My heart accelerated and my fingers were itching to type something that I couldn't hold back. I had to stop, now.

**morty-golds49**: Hey I'm sorry, I have to go but I promise I won't disappear as often.

**clare-e23**: good…I missed your company.

I smiled, a sad smile.

**morty-golds49**: I know you can't resist me, blue eyes. Talk to you later.

_MORTY-GOLDS49 has logged off_

I closed my laptop and stared at the blank paper, letting out a short chuckle as memories came flooding back to me. It was funny how I was always different with her.

My eyes narrowed, and the words came to me.

I clutched my pencil in my fingers and got to work, feeling relieved that I hadn't completely lost my touch. After what felt like hours of intense writing and messy chicken scratches, I had come up with only a decent rough sketch that could at least buy me another day to complete. At least I had something to show Julia now.

I lifted my head from its bent position and stretched, turning around to find the bathroom door open with no Julia. I pinned my eyebrows together and stood up, walking over and peeking into the empty bathroom. When did she get out without me noticing?

I heard her familiar giggle down the hall, and I suddenly got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I ran over to the desk, grabbed the music sheet, and ran out the door. I stopped in the long hallway and listened until I heard her giggle again. I followed the sound of her laugh and was surprised when I stopped in front of Fitz's closed room.

Without knocking, I opened the door to his dark room.

"What the-?" I exclaimed in shock, needing justification for the fact that my girlfriend was practically _naked_ and still soaking wet wrapped in a flimsy green towel that barely covered her slender body while Fitz stood in front of her.

Julia turned her head, her lips in a pretty 'o' shape as her eyes adjusted to the sheet in my hand.

"You finished?" she grinned, walking over to me.

I couldn't help but notice the way the slit of her towel widened slightly and more of her creamy thighs were exposed. My eyes unconsciously narrowed and shot up to Fitz, who was already looking at me with a smug smirk on his face.

"Uh yeah…" I murmured as she grabbed it from me and read my work. "Why are you in Fitz's room, Jules?"

She was too engaged in my writing, droplets of water dripping down her face as she continued to read on.

"She was looking for her lucky shirt," Fitz answered me aimlessly, showing me Julia's pink shirt in his hands as he threw it to me.

I was taken aback slightly. "Why would it be here in yo-"

"Eli, oh my god…this is so beautiful. Did you just write this right now?" she asked breathlessly, re-reading.

I nodded my head, moving in front of her so that I could block her from Fitz. As much as I loved showing off my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend to the world, only I was allowed to see this much of her.

"Wow…this is what I've always wanted to say, it's exactly how I feel! Eli. I love you, baby," she whispered, moving closer and wrapping her arms around me.

I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, guilt starting to creep. She said it's exactly how she felt, what she's always wanted to say…if only she knew that I had written that with Clare's beauty in my mind, and not hers. I gasped inwardly, feeling the towel start to slip from her.

"Come on, let's go back to my room, okay?" I whispered urgently, moving her from my torso and moving her under my arm, making sure her towel was still in place.

I towed her out of Fitz's room, but not before looking back at him. He was staring at us with an unreadable expression, and I didn't understand what had just happened.

Oh, now naïve I was.

**ooooooooo**

So here I am, three years later, sucked into the vortex of the Internet all over again.

But who am I kidding? I'm sucked inside a vortex named Clare Diane Edwards, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

I tried to get a life outside of her for a year, and I think I won the "FUCK MY LIFE" award of the century.

I didn't even want to speak her name, she was the most vile creature to ever walk this planet. As for Fitz…the past six months of getting over the betrayal, from both of them, was brutal. Adam was my rock throughout the entire thing, and if it wasn't for him, I'm sure Proxemics would have crashed and burned the second my heart had plummeted.

We were okay now, though. It would never be the same, but I realized that Julia wasn't worth it in the end and only because of that fact Fitz and I survived, to an extent.

We were in the middle of our first tour around the United States and Canada, and the busy schedule provided made the tension a lot more bearable.

In reality, though, what really made everything around me bearable was talking to Clare. It sounded stupid and completely dependent, but she really did make me feel better, even when we talked about nothing in particular.

I was currently in a Presidential Suite at a hotel in Washington, waiting for our jet to have permission to fly to Toronto, where our next concert would be held. The guys went out somewhere, but I decided to stay in. I did not want to deal with fangirls today; the security team overheard that the concert had driven up a wild crowd and they were apparently insatiable tonight.

Yeah, definitely not going out of the hotel room.

I had the room to myself, so the lights were dimmed, a half eaten cream cheese carrot cake was on the table, and my laptop speakers were booming out music. Just as the song transitioned into "Hold My Heart: Part One," the song I had performed for my first concert as the closing, my laptop trilled and notified me that clare-e23 had just logged in.

I smirked and clicked on her IM name.

**morty-golds49**: hey, blue eyes

**clare-e23**: hey :) so guess what?

I smiled, I needed her enthusiasm today. I decided to be playful.

**morty-golds49**: chicken butt?

**clare-e23**: ...what?

UGH. Fail.

**morty-golds49**: you know, it rhymes...? never mind. what's up?

**clare-e23**: haha wow :P so yeah, two years ago today we became friends!

**morty-golds49**: oh, you're keeping track I see. do I have to get you a 2-year anniversary present, _honey_?

**clare-e23**: weeeeell...nahh I'm just kidding :) haha. hey, so have you heard of Proxemics?

My eyebrows perked up at that. Oh….._oh._ Very interesting.

**morty-golds49**: I guess you can say I'm familiar with their work. why?

**clare-e23**: I love their music! and my friend Alli told me that they were coming to Toronto, Canada, and I'm so upset that there aren't any tickets left! And plus it's like 6 hours away :(

My response was automatic.

**morty-golds49**: do you want one?

**clare-e23**: want one what?

**morty-golds49**: a ticket, obviously

**clare-e23**: ...you have an extra ticket? :O

Ha! Do I have an extra ticket, she asks me…

**morty-golds49**: why, yes I do. backstage passes, actually. as a matter of fact, it could be your excuse to come and meet me- face to face

**clare-e23**: whoa...didn't you say you were in California last week? and how did you get backstage passes?

**morty-golds49**: lets just say I'm really close to the guys who work for them, I was able to snag some. and I told you I traveled a lot. that just shows how much you care, thanks

**clare-e23**: I do too care! I just didn't think you moved so fast...

**morty-golds49**: so...backstage pass to Proxemics?

**clare-e23**: and you'd come with me?

Yes. Gods, yes.

**morty-golds49**: I'd take care of everything, trust me. so what do you say, blue eyes? stay or go?

She paused, and the suspense was killing me.

**clare-e23**: when can I leave?

I grinned wickedly.

**morty-golds49**: I'll go ahead and arrange plane tickets for next week. I'll fill you in on the details tomorrow. can't wait to finally meet you, blue eyes

_MORTY-GOLDS49 has signed off._

I leaned back in my chair and smirked, listening to the end of "Hold My Heart: Part One" and realized that after all these years, I could finally finish it.

As swiftly as a waterfall pours down the rocks, the continuation of the song flowed through me. I grabbed the sheet music notebook JJ had given me on my last birthday and wrote everything, anything.

_I woke up lost inside my fears  
From all the things I've done this year  
And everything I said that hurt you time and again  
You spoke it soft into my ear  
All the words I want to hear  
And this time I'll make sure you get 'em back alright_

"Gabe!" I called out.

My body guard, Gabe, came into my hotel room immediately.

"Yes, Eli?"

"Call my manager. Tell him I'm gonna need a backstage pass made and some flights arranged," I responded, not removing my eyes from the screen.

"Sir?"

"A special friend of mine is coming to visit," I said, a wicked grin itching.

So, the story begins.

_Remember when you said you'd hold my heart instead.  
I'm letting you know now, go ahead._

* * *

Well, we've caught up with Rockstar now! What do you think? I'd love your feedback, I was a bit skeptical about the approach I took. Now I will have regular updates every Friday, so see you next week!

**WAZAM**


	3. Overshadowing

There is no excuse for my absence except for writer's block, but all I can say is that I truly am sorry and I am trying to finish this. I have regained my Eclare heart, and I hope that Rockstar and Proximity are still as successful as it was when I first started it.

Excuse any grammar mistakes, my editor _AvivaAria_, was not able to edit this chapter and it was all completely edited by me.

I hope it lives up to the expectation.

**Disclaimer: **I own a tumblr account, not Degrassi. I also do not own any part of _Disenchanted _ by My Chemical Romance.

* * *

_Chapter Two._

My lips were moving, but no sound was coming out.

I could see her walking towards me with an ominous glow around her and the wind whipping her hair around her pale face. I was sitting down in a dark room, and I couldn't see anything but dim light from above me and the bone-chilling petite girl walking towards me. She was tantalizing me, drawing me in unconsciously.

"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene."

The lights shone heavily on me, and she ran off into the dark before I could react. I couldn't get distracted by her resemblance, not again. My mind wouldn't let me put her to rest, but I didn't want to have to go through this whole process from the beginning again.

"It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heart ache to sing!"

I made sure that I was at my most vulnerable, like my mother coached me. She told me it was the only way to get through the surface, even if it was the most painful thing I have ever had to do…to show the world the real Elijah Goldsworthy beneath the rock star.

"It was a lie when they smiled and said, 'You won't feel a thing.'"

I closed my eyes slowly, my lips moving automatically in sync. I couldn't believe I was doing this again; I needed to be perfect, or it would be the end of me. I couldn't keep doing this; it was bringing back too many memories.

"And as we ran from the cops, we laughed so hard it would sting. Yeah-yeah-ah…oh-oh-oh-ohh!"

Everything stopped, and I stayed still…very still…my eyes narrow and dark and my whole body cold even though I was wearing a thick crimson blazer. I waited, my breath escaping my lungs in shallow pants. I waited, until I heard-

"And…cut!"

I relaxed and sighed, watching everyone around the set move from their place and fix props and scenery. I stayed in my seat and watched wordlessly; when I wrote this song, 'Disenchanted', I had intended to get my attachment to Julia out of my mind and heart once and for all. If I had known that JJ was going to choose this song to make a music video out of, I would have never written it.

Why? Oh, because not only did I have to repeat the lyrics over and over and over again…but I had to act. I think it's safe to say that I am a sufficient actor, but _dammit _how could they want me to act out my life, let alone the most horrifying moment of my life, over and over and over again?

We had been trying to finish the video, but I couldn't get the vulnerability that the director had wanted. So Fitz had insisted that having a girl that resembled Julia would help bring out my emotions, but I wasn't sure if he was doing it to help me or break me. I guess it did help…but it also broke me. Great job, Fitzy…once again, you have succeeded in bringing out the best and worst in me.

"Hey Elijah, you were great out there," a sultry voice whispered in my ear, and I jumped in shock. I looked up and saw the infamous Ida, Julia's look-alike actress in the music video, smirking sweetly at me. She had her fingers wrapped around my bicep, and I resisted the urge to flinch and snap at her.

I simply stood up, her fingers falling from my arm, and I forced a crooked smile. "Thanks, you were…spot-on, and perfect as always," I complimented sadly, ironically, letting her lean in and kiss my cheek slowly.

I stiffened as she leaned back, taking in a breath of desperately needed oxygen. I needed to keep all of my co-workers happy, but this was too much and they knew it. I needed to get out of here.

"Excuse me," I murmured, switching to auto-pilot, and turned to the huge adjusting camera lens front of me.

"Did you get the shot?" I asked the director expectantly.

"Yeah, you were brilliant! I loved what you did with the eye closing before the powerful lyric, I could really feel you that time," he said from behind the camera, watching the re-runs of what we had just filmed. "That's a wrap!"

I sighed in relief; I was so tired of this. I walked off the set towards my red chair near the stretch of vanities behind the scenes, sitting down and instantly feeling better. I ran my hands through my hair, much to my hair dresser's horror. He came running to me, wincing at my actions and attempted to mess my hair up the "right" way. I scowled, the feeling of suffocation returning, forced to have him fix my hair again.

My eyes shot up when I heard Adam laugh in the background. He looked away from me instantly and plastered a look of indifference in attempts to be subtle, and the scowl deepened.

"Shut the hell up, Adam, I can hear you!" I barked out, crossing my arms defensively as the scowl threatened to become a permanent feature on my face.

I watched as Adam, belted and studded from head to toe, ran up to me with a stupid annoying smile on his face. Could he not see that I wanted to be depressing here?

"Eli, that was so sick!" Adam exclaimed, scrunching his eyebrows at the desperate hair dresser behind me. "I think we're done for today, you don't have to-"Adam gave him a meaningful look and flicked his hand in signal to kill it.

I sighed deeply when I felt his hands move from my sensitive scalp, eternally grateful to Adam and deeply apologetic for ever thinking his damn beautiful smile was annoying…or stupid. The hair dresser sighed with exaggeration, making me turn back with a lifted eye brow.

"You know I love my job, but being in charge of your hair is the HARDEST thing a man could ever be in charge of," he exasperated dramatically. "Oh my lord, Elijah Goldsworthy, YOU'RE not even in charge of your own hair, how am I supposed to keep doing this? Why do you make this so difficult, hmm? Stay still for a couple of hours so my years of cutting and styling your hair won't go to waste, please?" he begged, not entirely serious, I could see.

I smirked and shook my head violently, making my hair even messier than before. I heard him gasp painfully, and I chuckled as I stared up at him with a toothy grin.

"Not a chance."

He groaned, threw up his hands, and walked away while muttering profanities. Adam and I chuckled lightly, the tension thinning. The air was lighter to breathe in, and it relaxed me. I closed my eyes and pressed my long fingers to the crook of my nose, trying to ease the hot blood rushing through my veins; I needed to keep all of my emotions at bay, just like I always did. I was very good at it, but I hated it so much. I hated control even when every part of my life, public and private, was held up by my miraculously steady hold on my control. One of these days, it's going to burst, I know it…

"Am I insane?" I asked, mostly to myself, as I heard Adam pull up a chair next to me.

Adam scoffed lightly. "Is this a trick question?"

I opened one eye and peeked at him as he gulped down his water bottle, being as nonchalant as he always was. I inhaled deeply and finally felt like this whole music video nightmare was over.

"How are you, bro?" Adam asked softly, thoughtfully.

I relaxed my posture, leaning back against the cushion and placing my arms on the arm rests. I focused my eyes on the collapsing set, and I couldn't help relating to it. How am I? I didn't even know the answer to that question.

"I've been better," I replied, not even bothering to mask my indifference.

Adam hummed in acknowledgement. "You wanna talk about it?"

The guffaw that escaped my lips was uncontrollable as I turned to look at him in amusement at his preposterous question. It's as if he didn't know me at all.

Adam smiled knowingly, still not looking at me. "Well, you know…I thought it was worth a shot to ask anyway," he turned to me and smiled sadly. "You can put her behind you now, you know."

"She already is," I replied quickly, knowing well that there was no fooling my aching heart or the only man who has ever been able to see right through me.

Before he could push the subject any further, I saw JJ walk towards us, the BlackBerry in his hand and the earpiece in his ear a trademark.

"Well, it's officially noon and we're done for the day here. Good shooting, by the way, Elijah. I know how difficult that was. So how about we take you boys back to the summer pad to freshen up and I'll invite you guys to eat? Then later we can discuss a few details for the upcoming concert here in Toronto next week. Sound like a plan?" he asked, addressing me in particular.

I sighed and rubbed the crook of my nose again to ease the swelling head ache. I guess it was okay, as long as I'm not here anymore.

"Yeah, sounds good," I replied, and then I remembered. "Oh wait, JJ! Did you get what I asked?"

JJ turned his head to me, gave me a look, and checked his phone quickly. "Yeah, it should be ready by the time we arrive back to the house."

I nodded silently and returned his knowing look. I could feel Adam's gaze staring at me quizzically, but I didn't want to bring it up. It wasn't usually allowed, but because I'm Elijah Goldsworthy, I convinced JJ to give me VIP seats and a backstage pass for Clare with almost no problem. It would be very hypocritical if this came out the wrong way. I'd tell Adam soon, and then I would be prepared for all his questions…even though I never seem to be ready for any of his questions.

This situation was going to give me more problems than I needed, but I didn't care. She was worth it. I wasn't going to waste this perfect opportunity to finally drop Morty and introduce Eli.

"Come on, Adam, I wanna get out of here," I said, removing myself from the chair and following JJ out the doors while saluting to the wonderful people behind my perfect nightmare of a music video.

The ride back to our house in Toronto was peaceful enough. The three boys and I decided where we wanted to go eat in thirty minutes, and right when the subject of the music video came up, we arrived. I immediately got out of the car, not wanting to discuss it, and went straight up the stairs to my red room.

Taped to the door of my room was a yellow envelope with my name written on it. I ripped it off with ease and tore envelope, shaking the contents out into my hand. My eyes gleamed in satisfaction as I read over the details regarding the flight times and temporary hotel reservations I made for Clare. I flipped the pages until I came to the last page, where I admired the beautifully laminated backstage pass and the wide ticket to our Proxemics concert with one name printed in bold at the top:

Clare Edwards.

Reading her name on the ticket made my stomach flutter, and I wanted to talk to her desperately. I walked into my room and shut the door, finally feeling at home in my red room. I plugged my music into the surround sound speakers of my room, the best feature in my opinion, and turned on my laptop. While I waited for it to log me into FaceRange, I took out my notepad and started formulating a list of songs I wanted to perform for Clare at our concert next week. Note to self: ask Clare what her favorite songs are…

Before I knew it, my laptop rang in alert of a new message. I instantly dropped my notepad and leaned closer to the screen, smirking as Clare's name erased this morning's events.

**clare-e23: **morty :)

**morty-golds49: **hey clare

**clare-e23: **so...were you really serious about the concert tickets?

I glanced over to the ticket on top of my sheet music and touched the corner of it with my finger tip. Soon, very soon…

**morty-golds49: **if I wasn't, I wouldn't have your front row seat ticket and a backstage pass in my hands, now would I? unless miss goody-two-shoes was lying to me yesterday...

**clare-e23: **of course not! I was actually gonna tell you that it's perfect because my parents are gonna be out of town that week!

Oh, that's interesting.

**morty-golds49: **oh really? so now you can stay with me for the weekend? perhaps the whole week...?

**clare-e23: **weekend, yes. week, it'll depend on how you decide to entertain me. :P hey so um...I know I'm being pushy, but would you happen to have another ticket and backstage pass? I promise I'd pay you back any amount!

…What?

I frowned at the screen and re-read her words. Why would she want another ticket? Was she under-analyzing my intentions of inviting her?

Getting the tickets and backstage passes was no problem; I could get them with one phone call. The problem was her guest. She better not be thinking of bringing a male with her, because there was no mistaking my intention of moving our relationship to something more than viral. Why else would I want to meet her? She has to know that I like her, even just a little bit. If she can't understand all the hints and innuendos I've been giving her, then she is not the clever girl I know her to be, and I will have lost all faith in human intelligence.

Maybe I need to be less subtle? Begrudgingly, I pounded my fingers on the keyboard to respond without showing my obvious prejudice. I still managed to add in a very blunt idea of what my intentions with her were.

**morty-golds49: **well you see, I had no plans of sharing you this weekend so I have to ask who you think is privileged enough to take your attention from me. and I plan to keep you _very _entertained, miss clare.

I leaned back and crossed my arms, already feeling a proud smirk rise on my face. I left her no doubt, now. I was not going to share her this weekend, at all.

**clare-e23: **my best friend Alli, remember I talked about her? see, if I go for a weekend, she's not gonna let me go without interrogating me so I might as well just take her with me IF you have an extra, it's okay if you don't.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding; it's a girl! Good, good…I knew there was no reason to doubt Clare! I grinned cheekily. OF course, I expected nothing less from my Clare.

Then, I felt a surge of excitement and dread. She wanted to bring her best friend with her to meet me. Of course, she was probably coming for Proxemics, but ultimately she was tagging along to support Clare. I guess girls need a wing man too…or wing woman…or something... However, Clare talking about interrogation makes me believe that Alli's opinion of me might make or break Clare's proximity to me, physically and emotionally.

It was very important that I made a good impression because Clare was important…or at least, I wanted her to be. I made my decision and punched in the code for the first floor on the house phone. Instantly, Gabe answered:

"Yes, sir?"

"Will you get JJ on the line?" I asked, lowering my music momentarily.

After waiting several seconds, JJ was on the line. "JJ, I'm gonna need another ticket and a backstage pass please."

"Whoa, Elijah! Another one? I can't just be handing them out, you know," he gasps.

I rolled my eyes. "JJ, this is my concert so you can't really deny me that. Look, when do I ever push to get extra tickets?"

"…Never."

"Exactly, so it's not a big deal if I'm asking you this once to do this for me. And I know that the problem isn't the tickets, it's about controversy; but frankly I'll deal with the consequences if there is any."

"Alright, I'll get them for you. You're my top gun, Elijah. Please don't let this blow out of proportion."

"I got this. Thanks JJ, I'll be down in a bit for lunch."

"Sounds good," he hung up.

I grinned wickedly. Success.

**morty-golds49: **done. concert tickets and backstage passes to Proxemics on Friday November 17 at 7:30 PM. your flight is going to be on Friday November 17 at 4:15 PM and I'll pick you and your friend up to take you to the Four Seasons so you can get ready and we can all go to the concert.

**clare-e23: **whoa whoa! slow down, goldsy! how did you book all that without any of my information? don't you need our passports? and the Four Seasons? that's like, one of the most expensive hotel chains! I can't afford that!

**morty-golds49: **I don't need any of your information for the flight, it's all taken care of. trust me, okay? and you'll be staying at the Four Seasons because that's where I'm staying and it would be rude to have you sleeping in some crappy motel around the block. plus it's close to the arena. it's all my treat, blue eyes. don't even bother paying me anything.

**clare-e23: **this seems too perfect. it's surreal! I can't just not pay you anything!

Better get used to it now, Clare bear.

**morty-golds49: **I promise that this weekend I'll be able to tell you everything about me. I'm sorry for always being so discreet; I don't want you to think I'm some kind of rapist. I'm not, trust me. when you see me this weekend, you'll understand why I'm as hidden as I am. and to answer your question: no, it's not because I'm an ugly 50 year old man. and I'm sure you can find some way of paying me back, blue eyes

I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, even though I knew she wasn't watching me.

**clare-e23: **okay, I'm looking forward to it :)

**morty-golds49: **me too, more than you know. and clare?

**clare-e23: **yeah?

I hesitated, my fingers skimming over the keys. My heart was pounding, and I really just wanted to spill my heart out to her. I had to wait, though, I had to be patient. I wanted to end off our conversation with something meaningful, something that tells her just how grateful I am for her. The words flew and my skillful fingers typed them before I could edit them.

**morty-golds49: **thank you...for allowing me these two years of friendship. I've taken more than I should have, and for that I thank you. I promise to make your dreams come true this weekend. I owe you that much.

I logged off quickly before she could respond, slamming on the enter key and sighing. I didn't want to hear her reject me. Maybe she wasn't, but I didn't want to risk it. I sighed again, deeply this time, and support my bent head on my hands. I was risking a lot, getting so emotionally attached to Clare and this meeting. I didn't even want to think of what would happen if I was rejected; what would be left of me in the aftermath?

Something inside me calmed me, though, it soothed me. My muscles relaxed as I listened to the thrum coursing through my blood. She would be different, she _is_ different. She will change me and make me whole again. Even though I'm risking my whole heart, I would endure any pain for any small possibility of being in her life. I would do anything just to meet her again, to be able to call her mine…

"Eli, let's go!" Drew's distant voice called.

I shook my head and came back to reality. I shut off my music, put on my aviator sun glasses, and ran outside to our black car. As I slid into car, I noticed that Adam, Fitz, Drew, Gabe, and our driver were present but there was no sign of JJ.

"Wasn't JJ taking us out to eat?" I asked as the rumble of the car on the pavement moved beneath my feet.

"He is, he's just not coming with us because he had to take care of some things. Oh and he says that before we can discuss our concert, we should already have a list of songs we want to perform," Adam informed me, playing on his phone.

We were out in the city now, and all I could think about was where Clare and I would be a week from now.

"Yes, I'd like to speak to your manager. Thank you. Proxemics would like a table for four, preferably a secluded booth. It is to the upmost importance that you tell your staff not to inform any of your clients of their presence because we do not want to attract any more unnecessary attention. This is crucial. How long is the wait? That's what I thought. Please apologize to waiting customers, I appreciate your cooperation," I heard Gabe boom into the telephone from the passenger seat.

I sighed as my muscles relaxed, knowing fully well that as long as Gabe was on the job, there would be no one to crowd us at the restaurant. Well, it's more for me because the other three love the damn attention, who knows why. They can just deal with it because I will not be walking in like a regular citizen of America and risk being clawed at by love-struck girls. I especially don't want to risk it now when I'm wearing my new leather jacket. I don't want scratches or nail polish on it. No. Absolutely not.

"Seriously, is all this witness protection routine needed every time we want to eat out?" Fitz asked from the back seat, bluntness in his tone.

"Yes," I scoffed, as if the answer wasn't obvious enough. I looked out the tinted window, hoping to avoid the subject…again.

"Eli, it's been three years. Honestly, a little fan interaction wouldn't kill you," he insisted.

He _would_ say that. Selfish prick.

"Fitz is right, bro, maybe you should start opening up to our fans a little more! It might do you some good, especially if we start you off slow," Adam added from the seat next to me, using Fitz's comment as an opening to approach the subject.

I turned my head slowly and narrowed my eyes at him, an unfazed and knowing expression on his face. He tilted his head down and stared right back into my eyes, mimicking my own expression. The corner of my lip twitched, irritated that he was challenging me. No one ever dared to stare me down. No one, but Adam. He never knows when to quit, he's always pushing me. I hate it, but I respect him for it.

Not now though. Right now, I do not want to put up with his sense of justice.

'_Just drop it, Adam' _I conveyed through my eyes.

He lifted his eyebrows ever so slightly, as if to tell me to at least try.

It's not that easy, dammit. I can't try, not yet…plus, I like being the untouchable bad boy. That's my reputation, and girls eat that shit up. So I like playing hard to get, sue me!

"Adam, we're rock stars. We're supposed to play hard to get," I stated swiftly, breaking the silence and looking back out the window. I couldn't look at him.

"Yeah, Eli's got a good point there. Remember that time Fitzy and I went down to a hot dog stand to talk to that hot girl in New York? I do not want any more embarrassing pictures of me eating on the internet again. You _know _I like to eat messy," Drew added with a chuckle, his eyes glued to his phone.

I rolled my eyes. Drew's oblivious attempt to ease the tension only made it that much more awkward. Adam continued to pierce his blue eyes into the back of my head; I could feel them burning holes. My pride got the best of me, and I refused to look at Adam giving me those big worrying eyes. I clenched my teeth in suppressed anger at myself for being a dead weight to the group. I would always be broken, no matter how hard Adam stared me down and tried to fix me.

I felt inferior, and I hated it.

"Hey, so do we know what we're playing next week at the concert?" Drew asked, changing the subject.

"We haven't really figured it out, but I think that for this concert we should do a little more improvisation in between songs to transition. The crowd in Phoenix really loved all those bits so I think we should try it out here in Canada. That is, only if Eli can handle some guitar solos as well as mine…" Fitz murmured, and I scowled at his accusations, not helping my mood.

Time heals all wounds, Bullfrog always tells me. It just sucks that my life wasn't filled with wounds; it was filled with disappointment. Fitz and I had such a great potential, we could've created revolutionary music together. It's a shame really. It's his loss, not mine. I can create music on my own without him.

"Don't be stupid, of course I can," I bit back with thinly-veiled patience. "I want to play our old stuff, too."

I heard Fitz shift in his seat. "I'm just saying, man, you've been more hyped up over this once concert than any other…it wouldn't have anything to do with your special backstage passes and tickets you requested, would it?"

I felt my muscles clench in surprise and my eyes widen unconsciously, but I pushed the panic back immediately. How did he find out? And why did he decide to reveal it now instead of confronting me about it? Dammit, now I'm going to have to deal with the controversy. It wasn't supposed to come out this way.

"Whoa…you're bringing someone to the show?" Drew asked incredulously. I clenched my eyes in horror as I practically heard the wheels turn in his head. "I didn't know we could do that!"

"We can't," Adam confirmed firmly, eyeing me curiously.

I stared at his reflection on the window, refusing to confront it. Adam was my best friend, but he was also my voice of reason. I didn't want reason right now, not when reason was the only thing stopping me from meeting Clare again. I probably shouldn't have done this, especially behind everyone's backs, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"We're here," Gabe announced, cutting off any room for comments.

"Finally, we're here! I'm starving," Drew sighed as the car stopped at the front entrance of a big and crowded Chinese restaurant. I was confused.

"Hey, weren't we going-?" I started, but was interrupted by Fitz.

"We were, but Drew wanted Asian food and I didn't want to hear him complain about not getting it the whole night," Fitz said, leaving no room for comments as Drew opened the car and went outside.

I narrowed my eyes at his back. I was going to have to confront him eventually about all of this.

I looked at all the people waiting outside the front entrance and started to panic. My stomach tightened, my head throbbed, and the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia was starting to creep in. As Adam jumped off and let Fitz go out from the back seat, I leaned over quickly towards Gabe, but he already knew what was on my mind.

"I'm gonna be a few tables away, don't worry sir," Gabe replied firmly, giving me a reassuring nod.

I sighed, the pressure in my body easing up slightly. Adam was looking at me, and I felt weak again. I don't give a damn if I needed someone to assure me that no one would touch me, he needed to stop looking at me with those eyes and leave me alone! I didn't need him, I didn't need anyone!

As if reading my thoughts to make me feel guilty, Adam smiled sadly and walked over to the boys who were arguing over something. My heart stung instantly. I shouldn't think this way, Adam is my best friend and he cares for me more than anyone in the world. I hope he never leaves me alone…

Swallowing my helplessness, I pat Gabe's strong shoulders as a friendly gesture and slid out of the car. With Gabe and two other men part of our security team, I joined the boys as we walked to the entrance of the restaurant. Even with two large men blocking my side views and the sunglasses hiding my eyes, I couldn't help but lower my head as we walked by the curious eyes that were seated outside the busy restaurant. I accidently made eye contact with a woman holding onto her boyfriend's arm, and I flinched in panic. I pushed Drew to move a little faster in front of me until we finally made it inside the dimly lit restaurant.

Gabe removed himself from my side momentarily to talk to the hostess, who clearly did not need any confirmation of who we were.

"Proxemics?" she whispered smoothly, drawing her dark eyes up and down each of us.

Before I could answer in a very clever response that was in my usual sarcastic humor, Drew straightened up and took a step towards her.

"Yes ma'am. Drew Torres, a drummer and a lover," he winked.

He interrupted my epic verbal acuity for that? Why? Dear gods, why?

She giggled and blushed, hiding her smile behind the menus she was holding. Adam and I exchanged looks of pure exhaustion.

Every time. There was always a girl with a decent face and a lot of make-up at restaurants that (somehow) made Drew turn into such a cheese ball.

Fitz hit his shoulder, thank the gods, and our hostess finally led us to our table stealthily. Silently thanking the management for giving us the farthest booth from the public, I made my way carefully behind the others before finally sliding into the circular booth before Adam. From our booth, I could see out the entire restaurant, but luckily our entrance didn't make enough of a commotion to draw attention to our cozy little booth. I could take off my sunglasses in peace.

After ordering our food, we started talking and the tension was gone. The four of us had an interesting chemistry, one that not even I fully understand. One minute, everything was falling apart, but then the next we're rebellious teenagers who just wanted to play music and have a good time.

Everything was going nicely; we got our food and devoured like true men, actually bonded after many weeks of too much stress, and I wasn't worrying about being mobbed. It was nice to pretend like my life was simple.

Taking a sip of my cola, I looked out into the restaurant and my eyes automatically fell on the cover of a magazine that a young girl was reading at the table a few feet away. The cola slivered down my throat like poison and my whole body froze in shock as my eyes focused on the woman on the front cover.

That's all it ever was, though. In the end, it was all pretend.

"Eli? Hey, Eli! I'm talking to you here!" Drew's voice pierced my focus slightly, but I couldn't find it in me to answer.

"Who are you looking at?" Adam's voice called out.

"He's probably got his eyes on a girl, bro," Drew answered suggestively.

"Or a guy," Fitz added.

I frowned. Normally, I would beat the shit out of him, or at least bark back with an equally degrading comment, but I couldn't. I squinted my eyes to try and get a clearer look, when a clumsy waiter walked past the girl and bumped her arm, causing her to drop the magazine to the floor. My desperate eyes followed the magazine, the front cover gleaming ominously in the light.

Was it her? No, it couldn't be. It couldn't be possible. There is no way she would be on the cover of such a prestigious magazine. Her fame couldn't have sky-rocketed so quickly, it's only been a year…but what if it was her? What if her plan worked, no matter how hard I tried to repress it? The teen moved to pick up the magazine, and my fingers twitched anxiously. I couldn't wait, I couldn't stay here, I couldn't repress it anymore.

I needed to see it.

"Adam, move," my voice quivered as my whole body grew hot in impatience.

"Eli…?" Adam started hesitantly, moving way too slowly for my facing thoughts. When he was half-way out, my thoughts got the best of me and I pushed him as gently as I could process and made my way to the blonde teen who was picking up her magazine.

I couldn't even register the fact that I had revealed my presence and by now, the whole restaurant knew who I was. The consequences of my actions finally caught up to my buzzing head, and wondered if it was too late to go back. The oblivious teen picked up her head after bending to retrieve her magazine, and now I was staring into her silvery blue eyes. First they were shocked, confused, hopeful, until finally she stared at me in awe.

Yup, it was too late.

"Oh um…hi…? Are you…? Maybe…?" she was stuttering, her other two friends staring at me, dumbstruck and speechless.

Judging by the way your eyes are now dilated, your cheeks are flushed, and the way you're clutching the infamous magazine in your small hands in a futile attempt to not act like a lovesick school girl…yes, I am the leather studded rock star who sings you to sleep every night, and who you most likely dedicate a blog to religiously.

My fingers continued to twitch anxiously, subtly, as I desperately searched the back of my head for my smooth and mysterious façade in order to hide the panic that would most likely scare her and lose my chances of seeing the magazine. I blinked several times and changed my body language enough until I finally felt Elijah Goldsworthy overshadow Eli, the charming dark knight masking the antisocial musical prodigy.

"Do you think I could borrow your crumpled up magazine for a second before it becomes completely illegible?" I asked smoothly, my eyes smoldering and a coy smirk twitching at the corner of my lips.

She gasped and released her death grip on the magazine. Flustered, she handed me the magazine wordlessly.

Perfect.

Once in my hands, my stomach clenched in anticipation as I flipped the magazine to the front cover. My breath caught in my throat as horror struck me. It had to be Julia…then why did the cover say _Lola? _Maybe it's not her…

I flipped through the magazine until I found her interview. I couldn't stop my body's reaction when I was greeted by the all-too-familiar vixen eyes that could not belong to anyone but my…no, just Julia. And she was now Lola. My heart stung without my permission and my hands shook as I forced my eyes to tear from her picture to skim through the interview.

Blah, blah, nothing interesting, she is the lead singer for a new band called Girls Can Jam, also known as GCJ. I scoffed at her band name, remembering just how long it took us to find the perfect name when she probably came up with it in five minutes. What a horrible name for a band; it only fits the horrible person who's behind it. Just with the name in itself, this should have been a failure. Why isn't it a failure? Why is she on the cover? I continued reading until my eyes stopped when I read the name of their hit song, _my _song. My stomach dropped in dread as I continued to read how she claimed to have written it herself…this was her wildest dream come true…and no mentions of me.

I clenched my eyes shut, and I was crumbling inside because this wasn't supposed to have happened.

I always thought, the rare optimistic thought that even with my money and song sketches, she wouldn't make it. Egoistically, I thought that even if she, or anyone for that matter, recorded the same song as I, mine would always be better. Why? Because those songs are my soul, and no one could sing them like I could. I am music, and music is me.

Somehow, somewhere, it all went wrong.

I took in a shuddering breath, knowing that I had to accept the fact that good guys don't always win. I looked up from the magazine and gasped inwardly as I saw the amount of people that had already formed an unorganized line between the tables to watch me. My eyes widened as the two girls in front of me squealed when we made eye contact.

"Holy shit, his eyes are more gorgeous up close!" one of the girls said.

I looked behind me to find Gabe, Adam, _somebody_ to give me an exit. I nearly groaned as I saw that Fitz, Adam, and Drew already took the opportunity that I presented by standing up and signing autographs and taking pictures. Gabe was still seated at his table with the other two security guards, and he was eyeing me carefully. He was waiting for my signal, I knew. I looked down at the cream-colored floor, mustering the courage I needed for my next move.

It was time to face them.

"Um excuse me? Elijah? Can you please sign this napkin for me?" a small voice asked me from behind.

I turned back to the mob and didn't find the source of the voice, until I looked down. I couldn't help the small smile when I saw a girl, about the age of eight, stare up at me with big blue eyes and a fragile napkin in her shaking fingers. I knelt down on one knee and watched in awe as her eyes, slightly covered by her caramel curls, followed my face. I put my hand on her head and ruffled her hair lightly and she laughed softly, squinting her eyes and reaching up to touch the rings on my hand. I gasped at the contact, and my heart jolted when I realized who she looked like.

She looked like Clare.

"Of course I will, what's your name?" I asked, grabbing the napkin and pen from her hand.

"Marie," he replied, smiling shyly.

I smirked and wrote a little note to Marie before signing my name at the corner of the napkin. I returned it to her and received the biggest smile I had ever seen on a child.

"Thank you so much, you're my hero!" she exclaimed loudly, before jumping up and clinging to my neck.

I gasped, feeling my skin prickle in panic, but I had no time to register it before she ran off to her parents in excitement.

My heart was warm as I thought of Clare. Then, it finally hit me; I was going to see her again. She would be older, smarter, and more beautiful than she was when I first saw her. She already half in love with me, with Elijah, and all I had to do was meet her half way. Then, I will have her eyes to encourage me to succeed despite the difficulty, her smile to tell me everything was going to be alright, and her brilliance to remind me why I never gave up. Her touch would become familiar, and once it was, I will want nothing more.

With Clare's face in my mind and heart, I rose to my feet and knew that I was ready to approach the public. I noticed that the crowd was much calmer, as if my interaction with the little girl had altered the hysteria. They were waiting for something, their breaths caught in their throats.

"It's alright, come on, I won't bite. I'm not hungry anymore anyway," I encouraged playfully as the crowd laughed and approached me warmly.

And this time it wasn't Elijah Goldsworthy that wooed the crowd, it was Eli.

It was Eli, and Clare.

**ooooooooo**

_Strum, strum, strummmm._

_Smack._

_Plunk, plunk, strummmmmm._

I sat on my unmade bed in my room, guitar strapped securely around my shoulder and a sandwich between my teeth, as I mindlessly played scattered melodies to help clear my thoughts. Tomorrow night Proxemics and I are performing in front of a full stadium, and I am going to reveal Morty's true identity.

I bit down into my sandwich and put it back in its plate, moving my callused finger tips over the strings of my guitar gently in thought. I had to find a way to do this gracefully. I couldn't just show up next to her and be blunt about it.

"Hey Clare, aren't you glad I'm not an eight year old? I'm a multi-millionaire rock star, ta-da!"

No.

I stared out the dark window overlooking the lit up city; I let the melody flowing through my mind transpire through my fingers, automatically putting the right pressure on the strings blindly. I was anxious, and I hated feeling anxious. The way this is executed is potentially bigger than my decision on creating Proxemics; music was always a sure thing in my life, but that's the only thing that hasn't let me down. I'm emotionally involved with music, but everything else has never really worked for me.

Maybe I was never meant to be with another person. Maybe all there will ever be to me is music. I shook my head and set my guitar down on my bed, because there was no room for that thinking now. I swore to myself that I wouldn't back down, and I would risk my heart one last time. If this didn't work out, if Clare didn't work out, then I would lock my heart away forever and leave it to music.

Morbid, I know.

I dragged my laptop from the edge of my bed and logged onto FaceRange, an idea forming in my mind on how I would reveal myself. A small voice in the back of my head whispered its negativity and told me that Clare might not show up, and I was desperate to act upon it.

She was online, good.

**morty-golds49: **so I already arranged someone to meet you and Alli at the airport tomorrow, because I won't be able to make it to greet you personally at that time.

Hopefully she wouldn't ask questions about why I wouldn't be there…and that this fact doesn't scare her even more.

I stared at the monitor, but nothing was happening.

A few seconds went by.

Minutes.

A few more minutes.

Um…

**morty-golds49: **blue eyes?

Everything was still, the clock was ticking silently. My fingers tapped my mouse impatiently. I wanted to try again.

No, no, I must be patient. Maybe she's busy.

…

…

…

_Dammit._

**morty-golds49: **fine, I get it. you're thinking of standing me up. but I promise I don't bite...much

Okay, maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. Why can't I control my inner man-whore when I'm talking to her? This is gonna have to change…for the first few days at least…ahem.

A few minutes…

…

…

Okay, my eyes are starting to burn!

**morty-golds49: **Clare! I need to talk to you so if you're ignoring me, now would be a good time to tell me.

Clenched teeth, impatient fingers, panic, panic, panic…

Give it a little bit…

…

…

Ugh! Now I understand why people get so upset when I don't reply to texts so quickly!

**morty-golds49: **okay, now I'm just impatient. answer now or I'll cancel the flight

It's too late, she's standing me up. I'm officially a creeper, and I'm doomed to be forever alone. Now I have to cancel all these flights and take back the tickets, and now I won't ever see her pretty blue eyes again, and-

**clare-e23: **MORTY! don't cancel the flight! I was just packing and stuff. why are you acting like such a child? geez

Oh.

I sighed in relief and grinned widely, my fingers twitching to reply eagerly.

**morty-golds49: **finally! see, this is why I think I should have your phone number. then you have no way of ignoring me, blue eyes

**clare-e23: **well I can't be giving my number to a hooligan. are you a hooligan?

My eyebrow twitched up and I smirked wickedly.

**morty-golds49: **maybe, maybe not. why don't you find out?

A knot formed in my throat and I was suddenly nervous. I let my instincts get the best of me and before I realized it, I had somehow led our conversation to me asking for her phone number. I didn't even let it register in my head of what I was asking. I was going to talk to her on the phone, she would hear my voice. My _voice._ The one she hears every day when she listens to me on her iPod. I wasn't going to give myself away like this, I couldn't.

Abort, abort, abort!

No, I couldn't do that! It was too late, and she would take it as an insult if I just took it back. I had no choice: I had to talk to her on the phone.

She was taking a while to respond, I noticed. Maybe she didn't want to talk to me on the phone in the first place. Maybe I wasn't going to have to worry about revealing myself.

**clare-e23: **xxx-xxxx

Oh, miss Clare bear is a daredevil.

I reached for my phone and unlocked it, staring at the keys. I think it'll be okay, the phone skewers voices anyway. I'll just change my tones and pitches every once in a while and pray that she hasn't been paying close attention to my interviews on television.

I typed in her number, but didn't press call. I decided to tease her a little bit.

**morty-golds49: **mm, if I call will I end up having to order pizza?

She's probably gonna say something innocent like, "No, of course not! Who do you think I am?"

**clare-e23: **why don't you call and find out? ;)

My eyebrows shot up in surprise and my stomach jolted. A mental image of a half-naked Clare lying on my bed appeared, pouting seductively and beckoning me with her eyes to pounce on her.

I shook my head and felt blood rush to my face and below my abdomen. I gasped and clutched my phone tightly, calming my breath as I stared at the screen with her number taunting me. I haven't even seen her, let alone heard her voice, and something as provocative as that made my blood boil!

Holy hell, I was in for a ride.

I cleared my throat and pressed the call button, slamming down on my silk pillows as I accommodated the phone next to my ear. I reached my hand out to my nightstand and roamed until my fingers came in contact with my cold, fine point sharpie. I opened the cap and started drawing on my nails black while I waited.

Briiiiiiiiing.

Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Briiiiii-

"Hello?"

Her voice sent chills down my spine, and I smirked as I mustered the silkiest voice I could to finally greet her with:

"Hey blue eyes"

I heard her take in a shuddering breath, and my smirk turned into a full-on grin.

"What's wrong, blue eyes? Speechless?" I chuckled. I couldn't help but tease her, she was so innocent.

"N-No, I just didn't expect your voice to be so..." she stuttered, and her nervousness resulted in my male ego blowing up over the roof.

"Dark and sexy? Mm, I get that a lot from all of the other girls I meet on the Internet. Oh, whoops," I chuckled, all the charm and sarcasm floating naturally.

"Ha, ha. Very funny, Morty," she replied snidely, and I knew she was getting the hang of me.

I couldn't help but reply in defense, "You know, my name isn't...nevermind."

"Then what is your real name? Come on, please? It feels weird calling you Morty when I know it isn't you," she pressed, and I could feel her confidence boost up.

I gulped nervously, inaudibly, as the sharpie in my writing hand shook momentarily. Well, at least I could rest knowing that my speaking voice didn't give me away.

"Well, I have my...reasons," I murmured, a silence ringing in the air as I continued filling in my nails with the sharpie.

"Is your name embarrassing? I don't really like my name either, but you know what it is!" she squeaked, and I could tell she was still a little nervous.

"Why yes I do, Clare Diane Edwards," I replied smoothly, glad she eased the tension with her familiar beautiful personality.

But as always, her beautiful personality was challenged by my witty personality, which was full of verbal acuity, horrible puns, and a whole lot of sarcasm.

"And no, it's not as embarrassing as yours. At least mine doesn't sound like it's from a Pride and Prejudice novel," I added playfully, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

She scoffed and I smiled, "Hey, it's better than having my nickname sound like it could be a new character on Sesame Street, okay?"

I gasped dramatically and pounded my hand over my heart, "Ouch, lady! You know I don't like being compared to big birds and trash can monsters!"

Clare giggled, and the feeling in my heart was unreal, foreign.

"So Clare, are you ready for tomorrow?" I asked, loving the way her name rolled off of my tongue like the sweetest melody.

"You have no idea how ready I am. I've been waiting half of my life to see Proxemics!"

I snorted softly, taking the edge of the sharpie off of my nails and narrowing my eyes. "You do know that Proxemics only started like three or some years ago, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Whoa…" I started, sitting up as I smirked knowingly. "So are you telling me that you're six years old?"

"WHAT? Oh my god, that is so not where I was going!" she laughed, and I laughed along with her.

I plopped back onto the pillow and continued painting my nails black. "I'm only teasing you, Clare. You're just too cute," I said, and I could not believe that I had actually used the word _cute. _I don't think I've ever used that word in my life, ever.

I could practically feel her blush. "I'm not cute."

I rolled my eyes at her modesty. "Well, let me be the judge of that tomorrow when I see the look on your face."

"What look?"

The look where that says, "_OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN TALKING TO ELIJAH FREAKIN' GOLDSWORTHY THIS WHOLE TIME?"_

"Nothing. So this is your first Proxemics concert, are you into the oldies or the new ones?" I asked, switching the sharpie to my other hand and drawing quite messily.

"Well, their first album, _Hysteria,_ will always be near and dear to my heart. You know, like Little Lion Man was the first song I ever heard from them and I swear I listened to that song forever! Their newest album is really good, too. I like all of their songs, really, but their first ones will always be my favorite," she started, talking to me like she knew me forever.

I smiled softly, listening attentively as I reached for my nightstand to grab my notebook and used the sharpie to write down all the songs that she mentioned to me. I was going to make sure all of these were performed tomorrow, just for her. After aimlessly talking to Clare for about two hours and a half, I realized that I had never talked to anyone for more than thirty consecutive minutes without getting annoyed. With Clare, I could talk for hours and hours and never tire. Now I couldn't wait to actually talk to her in person.

"So Clare, I have to ask you something very important. This is very crucial, so I need your most honest answer," I started cryptically, putting the finishing touches on the fire breathing dragon I had been doodling on the paper with the songs for our concert.

"Okay, shoot," she replied.

"Alright…who-" I paused for dramatic effect, "-is your favorite superhero?"

She laughed so hard, she snorted, and I couldn't help but laugh at her. Clare was perfection, she truly was. She made me forget about all the bad and remember all the good.

"I would have to say either Superman or Batman," she giggled, calming down.

"Superman? You can't like both, you're either team Superman or team Batman, which is it?" I insisted.

"Well-"

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

Drew, Adam, and Fitz opened the door and barged in, talking all at once and completely souring my mood. I sat up as I tried to understand why they came in the room.

"Uh, do you need to go?" I faintly heard Clare ask.

Confusion written all over my face, I responded, "No, wait...hold on. Guys, will you shut up?"

"Aw come on Eli, Fitz is restless cause of tomorrow night-," Adam said.

"We just wanna go around the block so I can get distracted-" Drew added.

"And Adam won't stop asking if we could go play Frisbee-" Fitz exclaimed.

"-because I'm hungry!" Drew finished. "And we're all nervous for tomorrow night."

"Who's that on the phone?" Adam asked, finally stopping the chatter.

Once there was silence, I groaned, knowing that there was no way I would have peace until I went with them. I put the phone upside down so she couldn't hear much and jumped off the bed.

"I'll tell you later, get out," I said in a hurried voice, pushing them out the open door.

"Hey, whoa! Nah, bro who is it? Is it a girl?" Drew asked, pushing against me and making it that much harder to push him out.

"Guys, it's probably the girl she invited to the concert," Fitz commented, helping Drew push against me.

I felt my face heat up, but I wouldn't let them see it. "I'll tell you guys when we go play Frisbee, just get out!"

"Oh good! I thought he was kicking us out cause he didn't want to," Drew said, letting himself be pushed out.

"I'll get the stuff, we'll meet you outside," Adam grinned, running down the stairs.

"And we're gonna wanna hear about this girl," Fitz pressed, walking out the door.

I slammed the door and sighed in relief. I checked the clock on my wall and knew that I should probably let Clare go soon, anyway. I ran over to my bed and retrieved my bed, putting the phone up to my ear.

"Okay, sorry about that, Clare," I sighed.

She giggled, "It's fine. Who was that? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh well...you'll meet them tomorrow too, if you want. They're my best friends. You know, my BFFs, BFFLs? Yeah, them," I replied, walking around the room.

"Fine, I'll meet them tomorrow. So if you're not gonna pick Alli and I up from the airport, who is?" she asked.

It was a legitimate question, I was just glad she still wanted to come even if this whole thing was a bit sketchy.

"I'm going to have my driver escort you; he'll have a sign up for you guys so don't worry about getting stranded," I said, hoping it would reassure her.

"But then, when will I meet you? Will you be sitting next to me at the concert?" she asked quietly.

Ahh, there's the magic question. Should I lie? Should I imply something else? My mind couldn't make up its mind, so I laughed nervously. I scratched my head and almost tripped over some books on the floor. I had to decide, fast.

"Well...not exactly. But I'll be around the front so you'll be able to see me pretty well," I finally said

"Wait, I'm confused...you're always so cryptic! Will you at least tell me what you're gonna wear so I can look out for you?" she asked, frustrated.

I felt bad for her, having to deal with this entire charade. I hope it'll be worth it.

"Uh...yeah," I said, turning my head to look at the outfit JJ had hung on my closet door knob. "I'm pretty sure I already know what I'm gonna wear. Look for a dark green button down, black open vest, tie, black skinny jeans, and grey boots."

Then, I smirked, "What are _you_ gonna wear, Miss Clare?"

"You'll just have to find out! I'll make sure to look for you tomorrow."

I whimpered, the early mental image of her on my bed coming back to my uncontrollable mind. "Aw come on, please?"

She laughed, "No! Now I have to sleep because I need my energy for tomorrow. I'm so excited about meeting Proxemics tomorrow!"

"I'm excited to meet _you_ tomorrow," I added smoothly.

I heard her shift before she replied softly, "Yeah, me too."

The way she said that…damn, my heart was on overdrive.

"I bet you're as sweet and pretty as your voice is," I told her, my voice an octave lower. Before I gave her a chance to respond, I decided I should find the papers I would be giving Gerard to give to her."Oh, hold on. Lemme just get something,"

I went to the stack of papers that caught my attention, putting the phone down on the desk, and rummaged through the papers. I winced as I cut my finger, and I cursed my lack of organization. Just when I found the envelope with Clare's name on it, I heard a faint melody.

I stopped everything and perked my ears up, listening to the haunting song. It sounds like my song, but I didn't have anything playing…and it's definitely not me! I mean my head…Then I realized where it was coming from when I shot my eyes down to the phone.

I quickly picked up the phone to my ear just to make sure, and there are no words to describe how beautifully Clare Edwards was singing. Her voice was soft and almost inaudible, but it sent chills through my body.

I guess she must've heard me breathing heavily onto the phone because she stopped almost immediately. "Oh, geez, I'm sorry. Forget you heard that! How embarassing."

"What? No, wait. Sing again, that was amazing, Clare!" I pleaded, desperate to hear her sing again.

"Really? I've never really sung to anyone before..." she murmured.

Was she really this modest? "Clare, are you for real? Man, I think you should go up there on the stage tomorrow and sing with the group! You sing way better than half of the people I've heard," I exclaimed, devious ideas already whirling through my mind.

I heard her laugh, almost like she thought I wasn't serious. "Thanks, Morty! Maybe I'll just have to go outstage Elijah tomorrow."

My eyes widened momentarily, and I knew what I was going to push up my sleeves tomorrow night.

"I bet you will...wait...Elijah? Ew _no. _Please do not, Clare," I groaned, immediately reacting to that name and not realizing what I had done.

"What?" she asked, obviously confused.

"I hate-...I mean, he hates being called Elijah. It's Eli," I stuttered like a fucking idiot, and I prayed to the gods that she wouldn't push it any further.

"How would you know that? Everyone knows him as Elijah," she argued, and she was right.

I don't know how I'm gonna win this one.

"Well yeah, but I'm pretty sure anyone with that name would like to be called Eli, just saying," I replied, trying to act nonchalant, but I knew she wasn't going to buy it, so I changed the subject.

"Anyway, the guys kinda want to play Frisbee right now so is it okay if I let you go now? Don't ask," I laughed, scratching my head. This was most certainly not one of my best moments.

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked, hopefully.

I smirked. "I guess you will."

We hung up, and I took in a deep breath. Everything was going to be perfect; I already had so many plans for tomorrow that I was going to sleep on. I went outside and played Frisbee in the front yard, my mind and heart completely distant from the world. All these small ideas that were forming in my head led up to the most important idea that had ever crossed my mind: I was going to make her fall for me tomorrow.

All was going perfect, until I ran to jump for the Frisbee and landed on the solid hard bumper edge of one of the security trucks. I landed on the edge with a loud grunt and fell to the ground with a loud bang. There were only three things I could process:

There was a searing pain that shot up my spinal cord like all the fires of hell.

How was I going to perform for Clare tomorrow?

Fuck.

* * *

Well? Do I still have it in me to continue?

**WAZAM**


	4. The Reveal

Short chapter (for my standards) before the good stuff starts!

I want to thank all of those who reviewed the last chapter, you have no idea how much I loved reading them. I know that not all of my old readers are here, I'm sure I lost some of them, but I hope that as I continue, they come back. I especially love all of your long reviews, it's good to have detailed feedback so I really do appreciate it!

I love you guys, thank you so much. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I own a pair of rain boots, not Degrassi.

* * *

_Chapter Three._

"And one, two, three, and four. Five, six, and seven, eight. One, two, and th-"

"SHIT!"

I fell to the ground abruptly on my knees and dragged down the very expensive microphone stand with me. I clenched my teeth painfully as my body shook from the force of the shots of electric pain caused by my raw back injury. I took in shuddering breaths as the band stopped playing music and my producers and directors stood from their seats in the stadium we're performing in tonight to help me up.

JJ grabbed my arms and pulled me up, glancing at me cautiously. "Elijah, what's wrong?"

"I can't do it, I can't," I panted, wincing silently as I tentatively put my hand on my lower back.

Worried glances were exchanged and there was nothing but the sound of my heavy breathing on the speakers.

"Why can't you, Elijah? What can we do?" JJ asked, crossing his arms shakily. Defensively.

I frowned and straightened my back slowly. "I can't bend or move my hips without this stabbing pain in my spine, how the hell am I supposed to perform if I can't do my tricks?"

I was desperate and miserable because this was just fucking great. The one time where I need to impress someone in a crowd and I won't be able to do anything but stand up straight and close my eyes like a douche bag when I'm "feeling the music" or whatever crap most amateur musicians do. I'm not most musicians, and I would not go out there and perform anything less than my best.

"Maybe you can perform without your tricks…?" one of my producers suggested.

I gave her an incredulous look. I did not want to deal with stupid questions right now.

"I think she's right, Eli. We can't just cancel the show," Adam said from his place on stage right.

"We'd have to give everyone their money back, and that's an insane amount of work that I don't personally think is necessary," JJ added, going behind me and lifting the back of my shirt to inspect my injury.

I scowled. "I don't want to give a crappy show, though. Do you want to start being inconsistent now?" I asked facetiously.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over the microphone, trying to find a way to pull this off without having to cancel the show. Everyone started talking to each other, weighing options, but I tuned them out. Not only did I have to consider all of our fans that bought tickets, I also have to think about Clare and Alli. Would they still come even if the concert was canceled? Would I ruin our chances of meeting?

"I got it!" JJ exclaimed, taking out his phone and typing a text message quickly.

"What?" I asked curiously.

JJ smiled. "I've got just the thing to help your back, even if it's just temporary."

Not a few minutes too late, Gabe walked in through the curtains holding a white tube and a cell phone. He handed me both and I stared up at him quizzically. I then followed his gaze down at the tube and turned it until I read the word "Icy Hot" in the front.

I raised an eyebrow as I read the instructions. "Um…"

"Your pilot is on the line just like you asked," Gabe interrupted, eyeing the phone in my left hand.

I immediately stopped and lifted the phone to my ear, my heart pounding anxiously.

"How is she?" I asked.

"She's just getting into the plane with her friend, sir," he explained.

"Good. How does she look?"

He chuckled to himself. "She looks very, very impressed, Mr. Elijah."

I grinned proudly and walked away from the vultures listening to my every word, "Thanks, Kale. Have you talked to Gerard?"

"Yes, he should be ready with the limousine by the time we arrive to the airport."

"Perfect, I'll see you all when you get here. Will you give her the phone, please?"

I heard him shuffle around before I heard his distant voice address her. "Hello, and welcome to our flight. I have a phone call for you, Miss Clare."

I took a deep breath, putting the Icy Hot down on a nearby table, and wrapped my free hand around the neck of my acoustic guitar that sat next to my other guitars backstage. I waited, impatiently, until I heard her sweet little voice through the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is your transportation to your liking?" I asked smoothly, already knowing that I was giving her more than she expected.

She laughed incredulously, and I couldn't stop the swell of pride in my heart. It was times like these that I enjoyed the splendors of my success. If I was a man-whore like Drew, I would definitely be using this to my advantage all the time.

"Uh, are you kidding? Why didn't you tell me that you had your own private plane? Who are you, Morty? Some kind of movie star?" she asked gleefully.

"Close, but no," I laughed and moved to sit down on a plush chair but my back instantly punished me for thinking such a thing, and a wince escaped me before I could stop it.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern laced in her voice.

I sighed. I might as well give it a shot.

"Well um…what would you do if I told you Proxemics might not be able to give the concert today?" I murmured, not even believing that I would think she would be okay with that.

"WHAT? Why?" she practically screeched.

My heart sunk.

"Well uh…Elijah might have had a freak accident last night and hurt his back," I winced again, and I hope she didn't suspect that it was actually me who had the back injury.

"Is it bad? How do you know? Is it on the news?" she asked, genuinely worried, and I felt like an idiot for being jealous of my own alter ego.

"No, but like I said before, I have connections. It's like a really bad bruise, and he might not be able to give the show of his life," I tried to explain.

She sighed, exasperated. "I don't care! His voice will make up for it. You should tell your "connections" to tell him to get off his butt and sing."

I was taken aback at her words, feeling almost as if someone had smacked my upper back and taken the breath right out of me. I slid my hand off the neck of my guitar and lifted the Icy Hot from the table, weighing my options. Ultimately, Clare was right. People came for my voice, not for my jumps and hip gyrating, right? No, hip gyrating was definitely not one of the reasons I had girls harassing me, hah!

Oh well, I won't be able to have much success with the ladies of the audience tonight, but I'll use the Icy Hot and suck it up.

"Okay, don't worry about it. He'll show up. So to take up less of your time, your flight is gonna be an hour and you can help yourself to anything on the plane, okay? I left the flight attendants with instructions. I hope to see you soon, Clare," I soothed, extremely grateful for her words.

"Me too. Thank you again, Morty. I don't know how to make it up to you!" she exclaimed.

Lips sucking on skin, teeth clenching, touching smooth against rough, and she'll gasp, and breathe, and moan-

"I'll find a way," I chuckled, reminding myself to bring up these long repressed fantasies later. "Now sit back and relax, baby cakes, and I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone and smiled, a crooked smile, with a new sense of confidence. I opened the tube, squeezed out the gel, and rubbed it to my lower back until I was soothed with a sense of coldness that seemed to freeze my pain. I sighed in relief and flipped the bottle in the air, thrusting it into my front pocket before walking back to the stage.

"Okay, let's go through Little Lion Man again," I said, taking my place in front of the microphone and standing with my legs apart for support.

Nothing happened.

I turned around to find questioning stares from my producers and band mates. Yeah, thinking about it now, I probably looked like I went to Narnia and came back with all these drastic mind set changes.

I put my lips to my microphone and lifted my eyebrows lazily. "Icy Hot works, let's do it."

I could practically feel the release of tension as my directors and producers walked back to their seats, dealing with their own things as I led the boys through a full rehearsal of the order of songs we would do for tonight. It was very frustrating, not being able to move around the stage like I normally did, but somehow I managed not to bore my audience.

Although most people would find it nerve-racking to perform in front of millions of people every weekend, it was what I was born to do. The first time I ever performed in a concert, I don't think anyone, not even I, expected that crazy amount of energy I put into my music. When I watched videos online, I could not believe that I had it in me to jump over amplifiers screaming profanities, grind on my guitar in the heat of my songs, and even have the flexibility to bend backwards singing, to the point where my hair almost touched the floor.

I'm not even flexible!

What surprises me even more is when I see a close-up on my face when I'm performing. The look in my eyes…I don't even know where that comes from. It doesn't feel like I'm looking at a mirror, it feels like I'm watching someone else perform in my place. That person that gives a crowd the best time they could ever have, his eyes glow with a fire inside that burns at the sight. He is confident and in control, a passion in the way he speaks, moves, and sings unmatchable.

That's not me, it couldn't be. This person is everything I should be, but isn't. Who is he, and where does he come from?

When I first saw myself perform, that is when I knew that the thrum inside of my body is not just a thrum. The thrum of mysterious melodies that sings to me when I sleep and feeds off of my emotions is not soulless, it has a name. Every time I compose, there is always a vibration in my body that I could never describe until the moment I saw myself sing. No one had to diagnose me; I knew that I was one person split in two since that moment.

I am Eli Goldsworthy, the melodramatic teenager. And he, the person who takes over when I compose music and make a crowd go wild, is Elijah Goldsworthy, the musical prodigy.

Performing in front of people is the only time where I can let go of my control and drown myself in them. I don't have to worry about what I sound like or what I look like, I just let go. It is the only time where I can mesh all parts of me, sane or not sane, and externalize the whirlwind inside of me. If I couldn't perform or write music, I would most certainly die. So even if I couldn't give this particular crowd, Clare wanted to hear Elijah sing and that's all that would matter.

After our rehearsal, I attempted to take a short nap in my room, but I couldn't. All I could think of was that Clare was once again, after three years, residing in the same zip code as I was. I was restless, looking at my watch constantly to imagine what she was doing. She was definitely in her hotel room right now, was she getting ready? Or maybe she wasn't going to get too dressed up to go to the concert, but I highly doubted it. What would she look like? Would she completely freak out when I came out on stage and cry like a lot of girls did for some reason?

I meditated, preparing myself for this night. This was a very big deal, but I wouldn't let myself get worked up over it, especially with this injury. I had to work very, very hard to make sure that I would at least allow myself to feel her touch without cringing. I needed to swallow every instinct inside of me that tells me to run and stay put. No matter how nervous I was, I needed to be confident because this was my last chance.

A knock on my door threw me out of my fantasy and knew that it was about to become a reality. I picked up my duffle bag with extra clothes and accessories packed by my team, and joined my boys as we walked into our concert car, a big black SUV. Our army of personal security, stylists, and equipment were already on their way to prepare us for the concert.

"You guys ready?" I asked, grinning as Drew jumped in his seat and shook his arms like he always did before a show.

"Yeah, I just went over some of the chords for the transitions and I think it's gonna be better than our last concert," Fitz said, his earphones in.

"How's your back?" Adam asked.

I took out the Icy hot bottle from my back jean pocket and shook it in his face. "This thing is going on stage with me. I don't want to have a stroke up there," I smirked, starting to feel hyped up.

He scoffed playfully, "The girls will go wild!"

I laughed along with him as the car stopped in back of all the traffic in the front of the arena. I lowered the window and stared up at the huge arena with our logo "Proxemics" lit up for all of these cars to see. The screen alternated from our logo to the pictures on our albums and of stills from concerts, and then back to the logo. The name Proxemics was advertised all over the arena, and it was amazing.

"I never get tired of seeing this," Adam murmured, and I realized that all four of us were staring out my open window.

I smirked and pat him on the back, rubbing his shoulder. "We deserve it, bro."

The police moved the traffic and let us through the middle, passing the huge crowd of cars and crazed fans until we reached the back entrance of the arena, security checking to make sure everything was in order. We drove through the short tunnels of the back of the arena until we reached two double doors where JJ and our main coordinators were waiting for us.

We all got down from the car and made our way into the main make-up room where four huge vanities and kits stood waiting for us. I shook out and sighed deeply, a lot of people were going to be touching me so I had to be strong for a few hours. I sat down in my chair and allowed my hair stylist to begin with my wet hair and my make-up artists to apply black on my face.

It was time to punk me up.

An hour and a half later, we were all ready. A final studded bracelet was put on my wrist, and everyone was pleased with our looks. I straightened down my vest and grinned to myself in the mirror; I looked like a phantom with my eyes so dark, the green contrasting perfectly in the light.

Dark green button down, black open vest, black skinny jeans, and grey boots; I'm sure Clare will be very pleased when she sees my outfit.

Then I remembered…where's my Icy Hot? I pat the front of my jeans, then the back. I only felt my phone, but other than that there was nothing. My eyes were frantic, and I ran to Adam, who was sitting on a couch drinking water.

"Adam, do you know where I put my Icy Hot?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes in thought. "Why don't you go check the car? It might be in there."

I nodded and, as I was about to leave, he asked me a question I didn't expect him to ask: "Is she here?"

I stopped and analyzed his face; he looked hopeful and happy. It definitely wasn't what I expected. I expected him to be upset about giving someone tickets even though I wasn't supposed to. He was Adam, though, and in the end he always found a way to surprise me. He knew about Clare, he was the only one that knew about Clare. He only knew minor details; he knows that we went to Degrassi together, that we had been talking for two years and I felt _something_ for her. I don't know how he always manages to call me his best friend when my throat constricts at the thought of letting people in, but that's precisely why Adam _is _my best friend.

I laughed airily. "I hope so. She better not stand me up."

Adam smiled confidently. "I don't think anyone in their right mind would stand you up, especially if they're about to find out that you're the lead singer of Proxemics."

I smiled and dropped my gaze, embarrassed all of a sudden.

"Yeah well…we'll just see," I said before turning to leave.

I made my way outside, but not before contacting Gabe. Unfortunately, the car I used was not in the secluded tunnel that we came in through; it was near the actual parking lot of the front entrance of the arena. Gabe passed me a bulky jacket to put on and some sun glasses, that way I could camouflage easier, before we went out the back entrance. I counted my blessings, because there were no paparazzi waiting outside for me.

Walking fast, I finally made it to the SUV, which was located right next to the freaking main entrance. I opened the back, and surely enough, the Icy Hot was on the floor under my seat. I sighed in relief and tucked it in my back pocket, my thick belt and vest hiding the bulk. As we were on our way, I decided to sneak a peek at the people lining up for the concert.

Everyone looked very dark because of my sunglasses, except for her.

I slowed my footing as my eyes fell on a glistening creature in a sparkling blue dress. I tilted my glasses down slightly and adjusted my vision, only to have my breath knocked out of me the instant I did. It had to be Clare; she was wearing a VIP around her neck. She was posing for a picture with a girl I assumed to be Alli in front of the big Proxemics sign.

"Sir?"

She looked so beautiful as she giggled excitedly and made her way to the front of the line with her long, creamy legs. My chest constricted tightly and my stomach dropped because after all this time, it finally occurred to me that I was going to see her in less than 30 minutes. Once she was out of my view, my motor functions seemed to return.

"Sorry about that…let's go," I murmured, walking back quickly before anyone spotted me.

I applied a fair amount of Icy Hot on my back in front of my vanity mirror and sighed as my back muscles relaxed. Even as I sat down backstage, I still felt the powerful effect of her presence. I didn't know how I was going to perform when I could hardly even move when she was a few feet away from me.

"Got your Icy Hot?" JJ approached me, and I knew it was almost time to perform. We were late, anyway.

I nodded standing from my seat and accepting the ear monitors he handed me. I put them in my ear and faintly heard the other four boys preparing through the earphones. I shook my head and shifted my weight from foot to foot, doing a boxer's dance to get my muscles moving.

"How do you feel? You're gonna give us a good performance out there?" JJ asked.

"I don't think my ego would let me perform anything other than "good", you know that," I grinned.

He smiled in approval and pat my shoulder, "We wanna start soon, tell us when you're ready."

I took in a deep breath and felt my pants vibrated. I took my phone out and read Clare's name on my phone:

_Hey! Where are you? :)  
Clare_

She was definitely ready. I was gonna text her back, but all of a sudden, my phone screen turned white before it vibrated with an incoming call from my mom. I rolled my eyes and put it up to my ear quickly.

"Hey mom-"

"Baby boy! Are you ready for the concert?" she asked gleefully, the sound of chopping in the background. My stomach grumbled at the thought of my mother's cooking, and I groaned desperately. Now I'm gonna be hungry during the concert, _thanks _mother.

"Geez, please don't call me when you're chopping dinner. You know what happened last time," I murmured, rubbing my forehead desperately.

She giggled, "Oh stop worrying, I'm a good multi-tasker now!"

I groaned again.

"Mom! I'm about to start a very important concert and you're making small-talk with me. Really?" I asked, pacing around anxiously because I knew everyone was waiting on me.

"Oh come on, they can wait! I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight, and I want to know everything about this young lady that you invited to your concert tomorrow," she said.

I furrowed my brows together and stopped pacing. "…What?"

"Oh please, honey, I knew something was different about this concert the second we talked about it the other day. I called JJ and, sure enough, he told me that you were inviting a girl friend to the concert," she replied, like it was no big deal.

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I needed to get out of here, now.

"I need to go now, I'm forty five minutes late," I said chastely, feeling Fitz move my arm to beckon me back.

"We are going to talk about this later! I can't believe you wouldn't tell me about this, it's a shock! Especially after you-know-what happened…"

I sighed, closing my eyes. "I know…"

"Alright, well knock 'em dead!" some rustling, "Oh, and Bullfrog also wishes you luck! We'll go through the break down tomorrow on the radio."

"Okay, thanks. I love you," I whispered, turning back to make sure Fitz wasn't around to tease me about it later.

"I love you so much, baby boy. Have fun!"

We hung up, and I shook off the conversation for now. We could finally get this show on the road.

"Guys, you ready?" I exclaimed, walking over to the side entrance of the stage.

_Are you already in your seat?  
Morty_

The three boys hollered loudly and ran over to where I was, standing in a circle like we always did before a show.

"Okay guys, just give it your all and pray to the gods that this Icy Hot does some miracles and I don't fall down like an old man," I chuckled, the other guys nodding in agreement.

"We got this, we can give a hell of a show even if you can't be a tornado on the stage. Let's just go out there and have fun," Adam agreed.

"And just make sure your ear monitors are in and follow my count after the third transition of the intro because that's where we tended to go off beat," Drew added.

"Who cares if we miss a beat? We're fucking Proxemics, bitches love Proxemics," Fitz grinned, and I couldn't help but feel like there was hope for our friendship.

I put my ring-clad hand into the middle of the circle and eyed the three boys. "Let's do this."

The three boys put their hands on top of mine, and yelled like idiots until we finally screamed out: "Proxemics!" and broke.

Adam and Drew went to their own sides of the stage, while Fitz and I stayed on stage left where we would make our entrance. One of the crew handed me my red Fender and I slung it around me securely, quickly testing out the strings to make sure they were properly tuned. I turned towards my stylist, and he nodded in approval. I took out my phone, ready to put it down on the table, and read Clare's final text:

_Yeah, just here waiting. It's already 7:40, when are they going to come on? I wouldn't push your luck, you should get here fast before they start!_

_Clare_

I put my phone down on the table near my things and walked over to Fitz, who was strapped into his own guitar. He looked at me, and for a second, I felt like everything was going to be different.

"Ready?" he asked calmly.

I nodded, and paused momentarily. "Good luck," I said, before pressing my ear monitors tightly to secure them and listen to the others. "Guys, kill the lights. We're ready."

A few seconds went by, and we were signaled. The stadium became dark, and the roaring of the crowd began. Fitz and I chuckled loudly, adrenaline rushing through me and an excitement that I could not contain began to surge.

"I love my job," Fitz sighed before we walked onto the stage and stood in our positions from the faint glow in the dark tape on the floor.

I stood in the middle of the stage, cracking my knuckles as I looked out into the crowd. I knew no one could see me, but I sure as hell could see and _hear_ all 28,000 of them. I took in a deep breath, the roar of the crowd empowering me. It was like I was nowhere, floating in oblivion as my veins pulsed with hot blood. Drew started the introduction, a bright light shining behind me, and my heart pounded.

Before I let myself be consumed by the music, I dared to look down before the lights went on. There she was, screaming and throwing her hands up in the air in the dim lighting. I smirked devilishly because I was going to enjoy every minute of watching Clare Edward's face when she realizes who truly is in front of her.

Adam took his cue and joined in with his bass, the low pitches ringing clearly through my ear monitors. I was staring at Clare, anticipation and absolute glee written on her face, and I just couldn't stop looking at her. Fitz took on his solo, the two lights shining beside me but not revealing me. I smirked as I let the music fill me and Clare's presence surround me, heat flowing through my body as I felt my body shake in a higher sense of adrenaline.

The lights went off and the music stopped. I grinned deviously as the pounding of my heart and the shaking of my body numbed down until I felt nothing but music. It's my turn.

I moved my fingers into position on my guitar and took a deep breath. I widened my legs and let the power surge through my fingers as I started to play as fast as my fingers would go. The crowd screamed for me, and I went faster, bending my knees as I prepared myself for the lights. This was the moment where the distance between Clare and I would finally disappear, and the beginning of our story would begin.

Long chord, flashing lights revealed me, and then one final spotlight on me.

**"BAM! THE LIGHTS GO ON, CAN YOU FEEL IT?"**

I knew the second that the screams erupted and pierced through my earphones that this was going to be one hell of a night. The band joined in as I sang the words in my heart, and I tried so desperately hard not to make eye contact with Clare. Not yet, anyway. I peeked down for a millisecond, and knew that she had not put the puzzle pieces together.

As I waited for the glorious moment when she did, I moved to the best of my abilities with my healing back bruise and thrust my hips sharply against my electric guitar. I let my jaw drop open in concentration as I stared at my fingers moving rapidly against the neck and strings. Everything was loud, and crazy, and intense; I loved it. One more scream, one more chord, and the song finished.

All of the lights turned white, and I laughed as the crowd cheered us on. I moved my guitar to my side to get closer to the microphone and raised my hands in encouragement. I lifted an eyebrow and smiled a crooked smile as the screams grew louder, especially the female ones.

"What's up, Toronto?" I exclaimed into the microphone, moving from the microphone stand slightly so that my whole body could be shown without any obstructions.

I wasn't going to look at Clare just yet, even if I wanted to, because I knew that by now she should have realized what I was wearing.

The crowd continued roaring in my ears as I brought my guitar back in front of me and started to strum a harmonic chord to the next song we would be playing indifferently. I decided that now was the time to make the big move.

_Strum, strum. _"While I was walking over, I turned to look at the lines getting into the arena..."

_Strum, strum."_And I saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen..." I smirked, my body shaking to give myself the gratification of finally meeting her eyes. The girls in the audience were screaming and yelling out a lot of marriage proposals, as usual.

Alright, Eli, it's time to give her a hint.

_Strum, strum. _"She made my knees weak, with her golden hair and her blue dress..." _Strum, strum._

From the corner of my eye, I saw Alli shake Clare's arm erratically and knew that was my cue. Both of the girls were starting to get the hint, so it was time to build the tension.

_Strum, strum. _"If you're out there in the crowd, right now...I just want you to know..." _Strum, strum._

I snorted inwardly as my eyes traveled the audience teasingly, as if I didn't already know who the object of my affections was. She was right there, standing at a perfect five foot three with those gorgeous baby blue eyes that I'm dying to see.

Almost, just a few more seconds and I'll get my wish.

_Strum, strum. _"...You're the only girl that has ever made me nervous, and..."

It was time.

My eyes didn't even have to adjust; they knew where they wanted to go. My eyes flickered down and there are no words to describe the intensity of Clare Edward's eyes. My green eyes locked with the most beautiful shade of blue that will ever exist in my eyes. I was stunned, paralyzed, mesmerized as the depth in her eyes sucked me in and almost made me fall to my knees.

One look and I knew there was no mistaking.

"…I am yours, _blue eyes_."

I never, not for the rest of my life, want to look away.

_Struuuuummmmmmmm..._

* * *

Now what happens in the next chapters happen in the same chapters of Rockstar (for example, chapter three of Proximity is Eli's point of view of what happened in chapter three of Rockstar). This way, it is easier, in case you want to go back and re-read Rockstar to understand Eli's POV. Thanks for reading!

I want to update more frequently.

**WAZAM**


	5. Simmering

I take longer and longer with these, don't I?

I do apologize for the delay, I know that a lot of you have been asking for updates on Twitter and Tumblr and I really appreciate the support! The real reason why I haven't updated is because I never got the chapter where I wanted it to be until recently. It's still not perfect, not to me at least, but I'm trying to keep the same quality.

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers; here's chapter four!

**Disclaimer: **I own a Legend of Zelda wallet, not Degrassi

* * *

_Chapter Four._

My body was tired and worn after two hours of selling my soul to the stage, but my mind and my heart were buzzing wildly. This time was different; every move I made, every note I sang, and every string I strummed felt other-worldly. I felt like I was floating as the loud music pulsed with me, sweat running down my face and over-heating my body. My muscles relaxed when I was done with my guitar solo, resting my hands heavily on the microphone. I was so tired, exhausted, yet I knew that I could go on forever.

As long as Clare's big blue eyes were watching with the same adoration that I had always dreamed she would have, I could die and be happy. I would die happy only as long as the adoration remained when the lights go out.

Filling my lungs, I channeled everything into the last scream.

**"LET IT GOOOOOO-AHHHEEE!"**

My lungs collapsed as they killed the lights, and I took a big gulp of oxygen in order to bring my body down to earth. I was light headed and I almost felt dizzy as I tried to get a grip of my sanity. I threw my head back and laughed breathlessly as the crowd's cheers surrounded me in the dark. That was definitely a good sign. I knew that I had given Clare a good show just like she asked, even with my sore back. The lights went on and the crowd continued to cheer as I removed the guitar strap from around me and put it down in the stand while someone from the crew brought out my infamous Gibson. I wrapped it around me and secured it, my breath still coming out in pants from all of the energy I had used in the last few songs.

I moved towards the microphone and dared myself to take a glance at Clare. Her hair was messy, her eyes were dazed, her lips were puckered, and I didn't think I could be more breathless than I was at that moment. I cursed at myself inwardly, dropping my head to the microphone. I had to stop looking at her or I would collapse on the stage instantaneously. I wanted this to be over already because I wanted nothing more than to finally talk to her. I was anxious and my stomach rolled with the urgency to walk down the platform separating us and kiss her. I definitely could not do that though, not yet at least.

I took a few seconds to regain my composure, reminding myself that now was not the time to look at her because if not I feared that I would not be able to control myself. I waited for the crowd to chill out before I addressed them, but they wouldn't shut up! Rock star problems.

I chuckled lightly and smirked, "Wow, you guys are an amazing crowd!"

Looking behind me, I could tell that we needed a little break before we started up again. My back needed a little bit of a break as well…Wait. I grinned, a wicked grin, as an absolutely sinister idea formed in my mind that involved a certain blonde. So I decided that now was the time to introduce the band.

"Give it up for the band! Adam Torres on the bass, Drew Torres on the drums, and Fitz Gerald on the guitar!"

As the crowd chanted, I went over and gave the guys a fist pound, giving them encouragement to go on for a little more.

"Hey guys, just follow my lead, alright?" I said to all three of them separately, hopefully they would understand.

I went back to the microphone, and I couldn't believe that I didn't think of this earlier. It was going to embarrass my little Clare bear so much, and it was the perfect opportunity to actually get to see our chemistry together on stage. Ever since I heard her sing on the phone, I wanted to play with our chemistry. And now we would, and I could not wait to face her.

"Man, I'm just...I have to admit that I was actually in a pretty un-manly accident yesterday. But I think Toronto deserves a little justification for the lack of dance moves from me," I laughed, even though I was nervous as hell. "The guys and I were playing Frisbee last night. Yeah, I know, not what you were expecting, and I was running backwards to catch the Frisbee and I did the most epic jump of all time to catch it, but I rammed my back into the corner of a black truck and got a seriously offending bruise on my lower back. And as much as I want to say that it doesn't hurt, it hurts like a mother!" I put on a little show of sheepish pain, knowing that the girls would eat it up.

"I was really considering not coming to the show 'cause I couldn't do any of the stunts I had planned for this show." The crowd groaned. "But a really good friend of mine told me to get off my butt and give you guys a damn good show anyway," I smiled, meeting Clare's eyes immediately and saw her flush in satisfaction.

But then, it wasn't enough. It couldn't wait until after the show, I had to be near her. I had to have her touch me, to have my skin begin to become accustom to her until I couldn't tell she ended and I began. The idea in my head solidified, and I nodded to myself in courage. I took out the Icy Hot from my back pocket and smirked seductively at the crowd as I presented the object to them.

"So, who wants to rub some Icy hot on my back?" I slurred, my ears instantly buzzing at the high pitched screaming and crying from the audience.

I faintly heard Drew from my ear monitor asking what was going on, but they could wait. I wanted Clare, but she wasn't raising her hand. A fighter, this one. I didn't fret, though, because if I knew anything from the things she told me about Alli, her nosy best friend would definitely take care of that part for me. So I scanned the crowd, almost feeling sorry for the weeping fans who thought they had a chance of touching me.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a pale arm contrast against the darkness of the background and I knew it was Clare. My stomach was twisting in anxiety, but my mind was grinning like a mad man. I waited a few seconds before I held onto the microphone, pressing my lips to the cool metal, and watched as she tried to squirm her way out of her friend's grasp. It was too late for her. I grinned slowly, like a predator, because she was my prey and she knew it.

And I won.

Pointing my index finger at her in the crowd, I knew she would hate me for it later. I couldn't wait for my punishment.

"Blue eyes," I slurred, deeply and huskily, as I beckoned her to me.

She turned to me so quickly, that one of her curls got stuck on the corner of her glossed lips, and it was so…Clare. Her eyes were stunned, erratic, and absolutely breathtaking. I kept my crooked smile plastered on my face, but I suddenly felt like running away screaming. Gods, she was _real._ She was right there, and now I wasn't sure how I would handle that fact when she came up to the stage. After a few seconds, Alli pushed her to the stairs that led up to the stage, and I tried so hard to swallow the suffocating fear that was threatening to take over.

But I snapped myself out of it. What would she think if she knew that the big bad Elijah Goldsworthy, who sings in front of millions of people every week, was afraid of being near her? It's pathetic, really. I'm pathetic. I bet I'm more afraid than she is. Wow. Now I know what it feels like for a normal guy to be near a normal girl. I have to say, I don't like it very much.

Clare walked up the stairs until she was on the same level that I was, and I took in a breath of much needed air. I could do this; I could allow her to touch me without flinching. In front of people of millions of people…who were watching me like a hawk…

Oh. Well, this wasn't the most brilliant idea I've ever had.

My eyes focused, and my throat constricted in surprise because she was already here, at arm's length and staring up at me with those _goddamn _eyes. I felt my whole body shut down as I stared into her eyes shamelessly, noting the deep blue outlining the baby blue of her irises. Her pupils were moving, subtly, as she inspected every detail of my face and I felt self-conscious. I probably looked like a dog because my hair was sticking to my forehead from all the sweat. I hid the urge to hide behind the microphone and pulled my eyes away from the vortex of her eyes to drink in every detail. I loved her round cheeks, her sharp eye brows, her small button nose, her plump pink lips, her flushed skin, her honey colored hair, I freaking loved _everything_ about her.

My heart was elated; I never had the chance to look at her like this, not even when we were in high school together. It was different this time. I looked back into her eyes and she was staring right back at me, and the realization made me soar.

It was different now because this time, she wanted me too.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than to touch her. I just wanted to touch her, even just her hand. I tilted my head and smirked as her eyes followed my every movement like a curious kitten. Without thinking, I moved my left hand from my side and wrapped my fingers around her small palm. She locked her small fingers around my hand, and a million sparks of fire lit up my entire body. I inhaled a shaky breath as my fingers tingled with something that, for once, didn't make me want to cringe. In fact, it made me want more. If touching her hand made me numb, I couldn't wait to feel the intensity of the heat and insanity of all of her. I wanted to rip off all of her clothes and press her to me until she didn't know how to speak, how to move, how to fucking _breathe_ without me.

My body grew hotter as I tried to push my primal instincts away, but it was unbelievably difficult to stand on my own two feet, let alone stop from touching her more. I watched as her eyes darkened and her perfect lips parted, and I knew she felt it too. And _dammit_, I had never wanted anything more than her touch than at that moment.

Suddenly, I remembered where I was, and I hoped that no one, including Clare, could tell how much she affected me. Quickly, I gave her the Icy Hot, and turned away from her. I sighed inaudibly, and started to lift up my shirt, grinning when I heard all the females in the audience roar in satisfaction. My eyes looked up to a screen, and my grin grew wider as I watched her cheeks flush in embarrassment. I tried to hold in a laugh as she shakily opened the Icy Hot and put some on her hand. She was so nervous, it was really-

Holy _shit!_

My jaw dropped as I groaned at the fucking spectacular feeling of her soft hand on my heated skin. I panted through my mouth as I tried to stay still as she started to rub her hand in circles over my back. It was slow, seductive, and I was trembling. I was trembling with this completely dizzying, growing need to be with her and lose control.

This was torture. This was absolute fucking torture. Every touch of her fingers did amazing things to my skin, even though my zipper was starting to press tightly against my growing appendage. I clenched my jaw shut and closed my eyes. It felt _so _good. I loved her skin on mine, even if my back was still slightly raw. I wanted to feel more of her, and if she kept this up, and I really wasn't sure how long it would take before the button on my jeans popped out. She was making me go insane; I never knew that a touch could feel like this.

Then suddenly, her hand was gone, and I wanted to cry. I looked at the screen, and she looked worried.

…Oh.

She probably thought it was hurting me. Hah! I straightened my back, throwing my head back as I tried to regain my control over the situation. I had lost Elijah the second that she touched me; she brought down all of my barriers with a single touch, and now I was lost. I desperately trying to bring out my inner rock star, but before I did, I looked at Clare. Her eyes widened as she undoubtedly saw the unadulterated want in my darkened eyes. I was about to lose it when she reciprocated and eyed me wantonly. I wanted to groan, scream, take her in my arms, and watch her break down in her want for me, but I hid it all away.

I still had a crowd to please. I had completely forgotten about them, but they definitely didn't forget about me.

I took the microphone from the stand and pressed it to my lips. "Much better. What's your name?" I asked, smiling softly as I kept up the façade.

I tilted the microphone towards her, impressed by her fiery attitude as she lifted a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Clare," she replied with a small, innocent smile. There is no way she could give me that smile after everything that just happened in the span of three minutes. She was a vixen underneath all the goody-goody exterior and, goddamn, I swear she wanted to kill me.

I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, challenging her, before I gave my attention to the impatient crowd. "You can thank Clare for healing my sore back with Icy Hot. Now let's get back to ROCK! Who's ready for more?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I turned slightly, subtly, pressing on the left ear monitor tightly before whispering audibly. "Crew, prepare a working microphone stand, I'm gonna go get it. Fitz, follow me."

I turned back to the crowd and fixed my black guitar into place. "I'm going to sing for you guys a little song that you might recognize. This song means a lot to me because it started it all…" I placed my fingers in position, prepped myself for the speed, and strummed the beginning chords of my first hit song _Little Lion Man._ I looked at Clare from the corner of my eye, and I could tell instantly that she felt uncomfortable. I had to work fast. I walked over to Fit while playing, eyeing him until he understood and started to take over the main medley. I let my guitar hang and went over to stage left to drag the prepped microphone stand out to stage.

I briefly saw JJ's appalled and interested face, but I didn't care because it was all worth it when I saw Clare's pretty little jaw drop.

I placed the gleaming microphone stand in front of her before I put my own guitar on its stand. I grabbed my microphone and brought Clare closer to me, "But for this song, I'm gonna need some help because this _is _a duet. And I _know_ that anyone with a VIP tickets knows this song, hmm?"

I looked at her for her reactions, and she was embarrassed, fidgeting and stammering. I almost regret putting her on the spot. Almost.

She needed comfort, and I knew then that I had to give her some piece of me, the real me. I wanted to talk to her with no barriers or audiences, but for now it would have to be enough. With as much clarity as I could transmit, I mouthed to her:

"Just look at me, forget everything else."

I gave her my own version of an encouraging smile, and I felt so out of place. It felt so weird being this flirtatious without the screen of a computer. I was actually talking to a girl-but not just any girl, idiot. How could I compare her to anyone else? This was Clare, and the thought made me tremble and ache in a desperate desire to hold on to this reality.

Clare's lips twisted in a sweet smile, making my heart beat wilder than it had the entire night because she was actually _looking _at me. I just wanted to drop this heavy guitar and get lost in her, and my heart was pretty content with that idea. But I couldn't, the show must go on. I promised myself that I would have a lot of time for that later. My hips moved to the beat, taking my position in front of the microphone and engaging the audience. The new application of the Icy Hot cream gave me a little more movement.

I grinned and signaled the band to follow me again, letting Fitz take over my guitar solos because I didn't want any more distractions. I tilted my head towards Clare, and she was a natural on stage. She was smiling, and laughing, and moving along with me, and she was so beautiful. If she was going to be this responsive to me as she was now on stage with me…

Bringing my lips to the microphone, I started singing the words that I knew by heart. A verse and a chorus later, I turned to Clare to cue her in. It was a very risky move to bring her up here to sing when she had no experience, but when I heard her sing the second verse of this song on the phone that one night…I was entranced. I know that her voice is good, and I needed to hear her sing in front of me…and thousands of people, too. I internally crossed my fingers in my head that everything turned out when she opened her lips, and there was no strain in her voice.

Her voice clear, sweet, beautiful, and it was so much more than I thought it was.

I let her take the reins and harmonized with her, letting her carry the melody. My eyes couldn't look away as she moved along with me and completely blew me out of the water. I never let anyone carry a song, especially if I could help it; but I definitely did not mind having Clare take over. We were dancing together as we sang to my amateur lyrics, and I can't remember a time when I had been so care-free on stage as I was now. As Clare and I sang in sync, I felt as though my movements were down-to-earth, the rock star in me fading. She was bringing me back, and all I could think about was how amazing she was.

We sang the final, sweet note and there was this burning sensation rippling through my body as she looked at me. She laughed breathlessly, her eyes shining brilliantly, and I don't know what the hell she was doing to me. My lips were burning, my body was numb, but my heart was shaking my entire body.

I couldn't help myself; I put my microphone back on its stand and brought her into me, tightening my arms around her curves to press her to me. I took in a deep breath of her sweet perfume and sighed shakily, tightening my arms and nuzzling my head into the curve of her shoulder. It felt so good to feel her soft curves on my hard body, to hold onto an anchor, my head was light. Then, she did the most magical thing that has ever been bestowed upon me: she hugged me back. She enveloped me closer to her, moist shirt and all, and clutched my shirt in her soft fingers.

I could not believe this feeling of completeness of being in her arms. My lips tingled, wanting to kiss her and wrap myself around her until the world burned. But for now, I would give myself the simple satisfaction of feeling her skin on my lips. I lightly pressed my lips to her ear, letting my bottom lip graze the softness as I panted and breathed. I felt her tense and shake as I breathed, and it was incredibly difficult to control myself.

"I told you that you would out stage me, blue eyes," I complimented, surprised at the depth of my voice.

Reassuring myself that I would have time later to hold her, I slowly unwound my arms from her body. I held her hand in mine and bowed, watching her from the corner of my eye. The crowd continued hollering as I turned my body and gave my boys the props that they deserved, grinning widely. They all smiled, and Drew gave me a sly smile that told me he wasn't going to let this go. Ever.

It was time to continue the last few songs so that the rest of the night could begin. I turned to Clare, and she looked just about ready to go back to her seat. I lifted my eyebrows slyly, not all too ready to let her go just yet.

"I'll see you after the show, Elijah," she called out, starting to talk back to the stage.

I hope that name doesn't become a habit. "Not Elijah, Clare!" I groaned, pouting.

She giggled, holding onto the railing of the stairs. "I'll see you in a while, _Eli,"_ she said over the crowd, and the tone in her voice was almost like a promise. I would definitely hold her to that.

**oooooooooo**

"You sly dog! You've been boning this girl since high school? Well damn!" Drew laughed incredulously, out of breath and shining in sweat.

I frowned, sulking, because I should have expected a full interrogation the minute we walked backstage after the show. Adam told them the surface details of my history with Clare while I took off my button down and vest in order to cool down. I didn't want to deal with it, the guys could think what they wanted but I did not want any criticism or comments. It was important to me, and I was embarrassed at myself as it was for the way I hid my true identity from Clare these past two years.

"So what's her name again?" Drew asked, taking a big gulp of his water bottle as he plopped on the couch.

When Adam didn't respond, I flicked my eyes up to read their reactions. They were incredulous and puffing air; all four of us were still coming down from the emotional high of being on-stage, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have this conversation. I opened up my guitar case, sitting on a red chair, and placed my precious baby back in its place.

"Clare Edwards," I confirmed, shining my guitar distractingly.

"She's cute…" Drew commented knowingly as he passed Adam and Fitz a towel. I instantly shot my head up in his direction, the glare present stopping him from giving me a towel. Drew lifted his hands up in defense, his expression amused. "She's cute for you! Yeesh...touchy, touchy."

I looked back down, wishing they would just shut up and behave when Clare and Alli got here. On the bright side, if they kept acting like idiots, I'd look like a genius compared to them. I heard movement next to me and a shadow looming over me. Looking up, I was greeted by Fitz's amused smirk. Annoyed, I scowled.

"What?" I barked, a twitch.

"Clare…Edwards? I remember her!" he chortled in surprise, "That fine set of pipes is the prude niner that wore those huge glasses and that hideous Catholic school uniform in Degrassi? Way to pick 'em, Goldsworthy!"

I growled defensively as he burst out laughing and threw a towel at my head, moving to the couch next to a confused Drew.

_ Be nice, Goldsworthy. _

I sighed tensely, bringing the towel around my shoulders and trying to swallow down my pride and behave. Clare was going to arrive any minute now, and I couldn't afford to be sour in front of her. I gasped inaudibly at the thought as my stomach suddenly tightened painfully and my heart beat became so fast that my head felt light.

I looked down at my guitar case and took in a deep breath, the mere thought of meeting Clare in just a few moments…

"Hey, it's Eli's little mystery singer and her friend," Adam announced confidently.

I turned to glare at him for his taunting words, but my glare instantly dropped when I looked at the girl beyond Adam. My breath hitched when I saw her in that blue dress, away from the fantasy of the stage, and I didn't even have time to react and realize that she was _here- _alive, beautiful, and real.

My heart raced as I got up, my guitar forgotten, and stood in front of Clare and Alli. I smiled as warmly as I could, greeting them:

"Hello, ladies. How did you like the concert?"

Alli was the first to respond, smiling widely and squealing. "You guys were absolutely amazing, better than any CD," she said, her eyes looking away from me.

Good, but I didn't really care. I wanted to hear from Clare, but she remained speechless. I clasped my hands together, knowing introductions had to be made.

"Let me introduce you to the guys," I said as I led them to the couches. "Fitz, Adam, and Drew, these two lovely ladies are Alli and Clare," my eyes never leaving Clare.

She still hadn't spoken, and I really just wanted her for myself. I watched curiously as Alli approached Drew, eyes batting and cheeks flushed. I couldn't help but lift an eyebrow in disapproval as Drew played along with her, his "game face" on. I wasn't unfamiliar with Drew's promiscuous behavior, and I really wished that he wouldn't involve Clare's best friend. If things ended badly, I had no doubt that it would affect Alli's ideas of me and the band, therefore affecting Clare's thoughts on me.

I could do nothing about it, though. I'll mention it to him later.

I decided to distract myself by going to Fitz and Adam, who were laughing over something. Adam particularly always knew how to lighten up a room, so I led Clare to the two.

"-would've happened if no one believed him," Fitz chortled, looking straight at me as I approached them.

"What's up?" I asked calmly as Clare came to stand next to me. Was it sad that I was nervous? I wanted to impress her so much, and I've never had to _try _in a long time.

"I was just telling Fitz that it would've been pretty hilarious if all your fangirls didn't believe you would be in such an unmanly accident," Adam teased.

I scoffed, "Hey! My loyal fans would never leave me, no matter how unmanly my accident was! I don't know about _your_ fans, Mr. Torres."

Fitz crossed his arms and smirked slightly. "I bet they wouldn't love you if they knew that you were screaming like a little girl on the floor for 10 minutes."

I heard Clare giggle beside me as I tilted my head up and smirked tauntingly. "Oh shut up, Fitzy, I'm sure you would've cried for 20 minutes!"

"Alright guys, I'm sure this isn't the impression we wanna give to Clare," Adam laughed, turning the attention to her, for which I was very grateful. I wanted to hear her talk with her lovely voice. "So Clare, how do you feel now that you know that your little Morty is actually Eli?" he asked.

I looked down at her, and she was looking at Fitz oddly. My eyes followed her gaze, and I noticed that Fitz was staring at her coldly; my eyes narrowed subtly, not liking the expression in his eyes at all. My eyes turned back to Clare as she blushed and averted her eyes, playing with the hem of her dress. When she looked back up to respond, her nerves were hidden and gone.

The fact that there were nerves made me all the angrier towards Fitz. I tightened my jaw and crossed my arms, glaring at Fitz even though he seemed to pay no attention to my heavy stare.

"Well I was definitely surprised, but I'm just glad he wasn't some 70 year old pervert," she smiled, looking at me through her eyelashes.

I relaxed as my heart fluttered, dropping my jaw and scrunching my eyebrows together, taking playful offense. "Ouch!" I exclaimed, laughing slightly as the three laughed at my expressions. Clare covered her lips with her hand as her eyes danced with joy, and I couldn't help but smile. I looked down at the floor, the smile still present, just glad that I could make her happy.

When I looked up, I realized that I was having a moment because Adam rolled his eyes at me. I smirked knowingly as he grabbed Fitz's arm.

"Come on, Fitz. Let's leave these two to catch up," he said, moving him away from us. I followed him with my eyes, watching as Adam gagged teasingly. I narrowed my eyes and raised an eyebrow at him, slightly embarrassed, before turning my attention back to Clare. She was still looking at me, admiration clear in her eyes. I smirked and put my hands in my pockets, trying to restrain myself from being too forward with her.

I looked back up at her and could tell that it was time for us to talk, alone. "So…do you want a tour of the backstage?" I asked lowly, smoothly.

She smiled and nodded, agreeing silently as I brought her away from everyone to have her for myself…I felt like the wolf from little red riding hood.

"So Clare, now that I have you all to myself…" I slurred, slowing my pace to walk next to her and give her a suggestive grin.

Her eyes widened innocently, and I grinned wider because I had her right where I wanted-

"You can just take those thoughts and shove them out the window, mister. You're showing your VIP guest the backstage," she ordered firmly, her sly smile giving her away.

My eyes widened and I laughed incredulously as she flipped her hair and walked away from me, her cute little ass swaying back and forth…

I scoffed once more, frozen in my place. I snapped out of my shock and ran after her, "Whoa, whoa, there Edwards! What did you think I was gonna say?"

She looked at me briefly, that sly smirk still on her face. "Probably take advantage of me or something immoral, _Goldsworthy_."

I shot my eyebrows up in surprise and walked in front of her, walking backwards. I lifted my hands up, shrugging innocently, "I was just gonna say that now I can talk to you in peace and get to know you."

Clare's jaw dropped in shock and offense, and I dropped mine mockingly. She shut her mouth proudly, turned her head, and walked right ahead of me. I laughed and reared back around to catch up to her, "Geez, Clare, maybe you should get off of that high horse every once in a while; you're not _that _hot."

That stopped her. She turned around, flushed in the cheeks and her eyes flaring. "Oh shut up, Mr. IcyHot. At least I don't think so highly of myself as to make provocative noises on stage and show domr skin thinking that you can turn on every woman in that audience," she bit back, grinning in pride.

I scoffed, smirking tauntingly, challengingly, as my respect for this woman increased infinitely and my heart crashed against my rib cage. She didn't seem to be star struck at all, she was treating me as Eli, which was refreshing and absolutely welcomed.

"Touché. You win this round," I surrendered, loving to see her angry.

She curtsied and lifted her chin in triumph. "Now, rock star, are you gonna show me backstage, or what?"

I grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

Being alone with Clare was absolutely thrilling. She wasn't afraid to challenge me or taunt me, even though a lot of people say I can be pretty intimidating, but she's very good at the word game. At first, she would follow me around, but by the end of the tour, I was trying to catch up to her; she had me on my toes every step of the way, and I felt like I was floating.

As we were about to walk back to the crowd, I noticed her steps slowed. I smirked and instantly pushed her to the couch. She squealed as she fell, and I sat down next to her, sighing contently.

"Are you for real?" she asked suddenly, shyly.

I looked at her then with an eyebrow raised, confused by her sudden shyness. "Last time I checked," I chuckled, admiring her delicate features.

Her eyes left mine, to my disappointment, and focused on her bracelets. "I mean, why aren't you all big-headed and completely arrogant with fame?"

Where was all of this coming from? I needed to prove to her that this wasn't some kind of dream, although it felt like one.

I don't know what impulse me to do so, but I leaned in closer to her, our noses almost touching. "You've kept me grounded, blue eyes. If it wasn't for your mundane stories of high school for two years, I'd pretty much be some son of a gun who would probably take advantage of you right now," I said, remembering her earlier accusation of me taking advantage of her.

She looked up at me, and immediately drew them away as she blushed. I smiled softly, my eyes scanning her face as she leaned infinitely closer. For once, the conscious proximity wasn't making my stomach jolt in panic, it was making my stomach flutter. First the Icy Hot, and now this…it seems like Clare has been able to help my body react differently… "So I'm not imagining this? You're really the boy behind the IM talks; my Morty?"

Ahh, there we go. That was the question I dreaded. I needed to make her understand, once and for all, that I am not a completely different person; I am who she knows me to be. I smiled sadly and brought my fingers to her bracelet, our fingers almost touching.

"When you look at me, I hope that you _do _see the boy behind the screen and not Seventeen's Hottest Boy of the Year," a pause.

I decided that I needed to tell her everything and not hold back, "I'm not usually this...open with people. I've kept myself distant, but it seems that you have become my only exception. I've wanted to tell you who I was for the longest time, but I was scared. I was scared that you would forget about who I was and treat me like an untouchable celebrity. Ever since I got this fame, my band is the only group people I can truly talk to because everyone else only befriends me for my supplements."

Taking a deep breath, I felt that I had said everything I needed to say…but I didn't want to leave with a somber mood. "I think I wouldn't be able to handle it if you turned out to be one of those girls that have pictures of me in their lockers and bedrooms," my tone serious, but my intentions were only half serious

I stopped what I was doing with my fingers and looked up at her, watching as she turned a pretty shade of pink and cleared her throat. She didn't say anything, she was just sitting there looking at her bracelets and turning pinker. A grin slowly crept up, knowing that she was guilty as charged, and I could read her like a book. I tried so hard to hold back my laughter as she completely ignored me. My grin was wide and expectant by the time she looked up, embarrassed that she hadn't noticed my staring. She looked into my eyes, and there was no way she could escape my all-knowing gaze.

I'll tell you one thing: Clare Edwards has a terrible poker face.

I burst out laughing, the sound echoing in the small hallway. "Allllright, the ultimate test. Lemme see your phone," I laughed, coming down from the high and holding out my hand.

If I observed her reactions correctly, she won't give it to me without a fight. Her eyes widened and she shook her head quickly. I mirrored her and shook my head, clicking my tongue disapprovingly. "Clare, I don't think you wanna go down this road. I happen to be exceptionally good at persuasion," I cooed, leaning down further into her until I could feel her breath on my lips.

"N-No…" she responded weakly, squeaking. Damn, I wanted to kiss her…

Clare looked down, unintentionally giving away the location of her phone right next to her, and looked back up to me. I wiggled my eyebrows and reached for her phone, but she was faster than I was. I gasped and narrowed my eyes warningly.

"Oh, you're getting it now," I promised, lunging myself towards her and tickling her sides ferociously.

"STOP! E-Eli!" she squealed as she tried to write away from me. I wasn't having any of that though, pinning her body down with mine as my fingers tickled up and down her sides.

"Give me the phone then!" I negotiated, laughing along with her. She squealed and laughed breathlessly under me, she would surrender soon.

"Okay, okay!" she breathed out. I grinned, I won. I stopped my wiggling fingers and laughed softly with her as I leaned forward to take her wrists in my hand to get her phone. As I took hold of her wrists, the same shocks of energy I felt when I touched her on stage paralyzed me momentarily. Our laughter died on our lips as I watched Clare's eyes widen in wonder, her lips parted.

My heavy breaths weren't enough when I realized that I actually had Clare under me, panting and gasping for air. We were panting against each other's lips, my heart pumping wildly and my body yearning for the sliver between us to disappear. She looked down at our bodies, and a wave of heat instantly over-powered any rational thought in my head. Her baby blue eyes moved back to mine, and I fell under her spell.

Her pupils dilated as she dropped the phone on the couch, but all I could do was look at her. She didn't look away, she let me gaze into her soul with no hesitation. My heart hammered heavily in my throat as I loosened my hands on her wrists and caressed them gently. The electricity grew and crackled between us, and I felt goose-bumps run over my arms in restraint.

I wanted her. Badly. I wanted to kiss her so much and push my body down onto her. I scanned her face, and then back to her eyes, and I could _see_ that she wanted me to kiss her. My breath hitched as she writhed underneath me, touching parts of me that were desperate for attention. I growled, low in my chest, and felt a desperate _need _for her, any part of her. Her eyes never leaving mine, knowing that this beautiful creature was willing to bare her soul to me heightened the adrenaline coursing through my body.

"I was wrong," I whispered, trying to memorize every speck and curve of her face.

"About what?" she asked breathlessly.

I stared at her beckoning lips as I felt her breath mingle with mine. I forced my eyes back up to her own, and they were glimmering with an emotion so pure and so beautiful that I knew that I would be tied to her forever.

"You aren't as pretty and sweet as your voice was on the phone. You're much more. You're absolutely stunning, Clare," I breathed, not able to comprehend that she was actually here.

She smiled sweetly, her eyes on my lips as she tilted her head. I gasped inaudibly, involuntarily shifting closer, nuzzling the side of her nose with mine as I cherished this moment. I was actually going to kiss her, I was going to kiss Clare.

"You're not so bad yourself, pretty boy," she whispered, her sly comment shaded by her needy tone, making her all the more irresistible.

I smirked, her feisty comment snapping me out of my trance. Without really thinking, I pressed my entire body against hers, and my heart nearly stopped at the utterly intoxicating sensation. Clare gasped and bit her lip, my eyes on her lips like a magnet. Her teeth biting the delicate skin of her sweet lips was making me go insane, my body was starting to shake with the intensity.

"Don't bite your lip, Clare," I ordered softly, "It's making me crazy," I added, my diaphragm tightening in anticipation.

She gasped and removed her bottom lip from her teeth, and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't care if I had just "met" her today, it was too much to bear-

"Where's Elijah? We need to get going! And you guys have an after-party to get to; he was the one that asked for the complete VIP package for these girls," I heard JJ's sickeningly unnecessary voice interrupt my train of thoughts.

Way to cock block, JJ.

I groaned and dropped my head to her shoulder, willing myself to calm down. I hope that I didn't have too much of a…problem because if Clare found out…and it would be incredibly embarrassing to go back out there like this. I let the sweet smell of Clare soothe me, and as much as I wanted to stay here, now was not the time. I removed myself from her slowly, the uninviting cool air coming between us and chilling me. I stood up and tried to play it off, like I hadn't just gotten worked up because of the thought of kissing her.

"Right, I got a little side-tracked. The backstage passes include going to an after-party with us, and I was going to ask if you wanted to come," I cleared my throat, offering her my hand. "It's not really my scene, but I think you deserve the whole package; the life of fame for the night. What do you say?"

I _really_ didn't want to go to this party. I would've much rather taken her back to my summer house and kidnapped her all night.

She smiled and took my hand confidently. Just when I had gotten the idea in my head that I would not kiss her, I was taken aback when she stood on her tip-topes and kissed my cheek lovingly. I held onto my breath as her lips on my skin burned beautifully, sending shivers down my spine. Then suddenly, she was gone and walking towards the door. Shocked, I turned to look after her; she was swaying her hips sensually, purposely flooring me. Just when I thought she was all out of surprises, she turns on her heel and smiles rebelliously.

"Well, you comin'?" she encouraged.

Well damn.

I blinked as my initial shock faded, shrugged, caught up to her. I then acknowledged the fact that I was falling for someone who was wittier than I. Bad idea?

_Nope._

* * *

I thought it would be appropriate to end it there. Reviews?

**WAZAM**


	6. The Vampire Claim

Let it be known that ten months later, I finally updated.

**Disclaimer: **I own a pocket knife (so don't kill me!), not Degrassi

* * *

_Chapter Five._

Okay, I have to admit it. I like attention. Especially when I get to witness Clare's pretty little lips fall at the amount of blinking lights and screams that all happen just for me.

_"Elijah! Elijah-"_

_"How does it feel to-"_

_"OVER HERE, CAN I TAKE A PIC-"_

_"Who is that girl-"_

_"Elijah! E-"_

_"OH MY GOD, MARRY M-"_

_"Is that the girl from the concer-"_

_"Have you met befo-"_

"I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR!"

_'Oh, I wonder how Clare too that last one,' _I thought smugly as I resisted the urge to look down at her as we walked to the limo. I couldn't, however, resist the smirk that appeared when I heard her scoff at them. Oh yes. I loved the attention now. I continued to trudge through the crowd, a hand up waving, as my heart pumped loudly in my ears. It was easy to push back my claustrophobia when I had a lovely girl to impress. I gave one last heart-melting smile to the crowd before following Clare into the limo.

I plopped down onto my seat and stretched out my legs, letting out a resigned sigh. I rested my arms on the seat and let myself sink into the seat to rest my tired muscles. I vaguely heard Clare and Alli talking as the limo started to move. I needed to regain my strength for the party or I would surely fall asleep in a corner. The idea of getting lost inside a crowd of dancing people with Clare, pressed up tight against me, was the only thing I was holding onto. That's the only thing I was looking forward to: having an excuse to feel the fabric of her dress scrunched in my hands and her softness everywhere.

"Oh that's right, you guys are sneaking out! How'd that work out?" Drew asked from the other side of the limo, and that got my attention. I lifted my head to look at Clare, wondering myself how she was able to pull this off.

"Well, I really have no idea how it worked out, but it did. My parents are out of town for the next two weeks, and Alli's parents think Alli is at a school retreat with her brother," she stated simply, and I couldn't help but smirk proudly. She had snuck out for me; the realization filled my heart with warmth.

"Why? The princesses aren't allowed to come to a scary rock concert?"

My smirk fell.

Instantly, brutally so, the rage I had buried began to resurface. Fitz could snap and make comments about me, but not about Clare. Not Clare. My brows furrowed and my throat bubbled with the angry words I was about to spit out, but I looked at Clare, who had an angry flush on her cheeks, and the words died on my lips. No. This wasn't how I should approach this situation, and I knew that. I would handle Fitz later. Instead, I unraveled the wet towel from around my neck and flung it straight at his head.

The angry _SMACK! _gave me enough satisfaction to last for a little bit.

"What the hell?" Fitz groaned, and I grinned wickedly.

"You kind of deserve that, you prick. Clare actually took the risk of eternal punishment to come see you, and you're acting like an anti-social baba," Adam responded for my part, and I'm glad that Adam had my back on this.

I turned to Clare, who had her gorgeous eyes on me, while I nodded in agreement. _'He won't mess with you, Clare. Not while I'm alive,' _I thought meaningfully, promising to get Fitz back later. Feeling high on adrenaline, I sent Clare a small wink and a sly smirk that, to my amusement, brought out that blush on her cheeks that I lov-…like so much.

The rest of the ride was spent with silence on my part. Mostly because I liked a bit of peace after concerts, and the boys knew this. They were keeping the girls company, and this way I could stare at Clare and not have her turn away in embarrassment.

Drew snorted loudly, which brought my attention back to Earth. He and Adam were chuckling quietly as they were watching something on Drew's phone. "Oh look at me, I'm Elijah Goldsworthy and I need a hottie-hot-hottie to put Icy Hot on my back because I can't handle the pain, ohhhhh," Drew mimicked in a high-pitched voice, who elbowed Adam suggestively.

I DO NOT SOUND LIKE A GIRL!

"Hey, it really does hurt!" I retorted, lifting my hands innocently.

Fitz snorted, "Yeah whatever, Goldilocks. You know you wanted to seduce your little pen-pal with your supposed injury."

I'm going to kill him.

"Yeah, you're such a man-whore, dude," Drew added, teasing as well.

Dammit, shit shit shit. Not in front of Clare! I'm too manly for this nonsense!

I shifted in my seat as I darted my eyes to Clare, who seemed to have a permanent tint of pink on her cheeks. So much for being my wingmen, they were not helping my current situation! Note to self: don't bring them on dates. Ever.

"Hey you guys wanna shut up? I think I deserve a little bit of respect; I bet if Fitzy-boy ever tried to get a girl to rub Icy Hot on his back, they'd explode because of his ugliness. And who are you calling a man-whore, man-whore?" I defended, my eyes narrowed but an amused smirk on my lips.

He mirrored my expression, crossed arms and gleaming eyes. I wiggled my eyebrows cockily at him. That's right, Fitzy. You're not winning this one.

"So I'm assuming we're not going to a normal party, right?" Alli asked, hope in her voice.

"Nah, of course not. We're going to After Life," Fitz explained lazily, his eyes on the window.

"Yeah, it's one of our favorite clubs; that's one of the reasons we like coming to Toronto," Adam added excitedly, his smile huge.

Of course he liked this club. It was Fiona's favorite club, too. I was grinning madly at him, but he was avoiding my contact on purpose. My grin widened knowingly; it was going to be so much fun teasing him tonight. Payback's a bitch.

Alli pursed her lips. "After Life? Isn't that, like, Halloween? Did we have to dress up?" she asked hesitantly, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"No, not at all. Trust us, it's mind-blowing in there. It's pretty exclusive so we don't have to worry about crazy fan girls when we go," Drew winked, and I turned away to avoid barfing.

These two were making me sick, they're perfect for each other. I grunted softly and flickered my eyes to Clare as the limo stopped at our destination. Let the fun begin.

I opened the door and helped the girls out, an amused eyebrow lifted as I took in their skeptical faces. Poor Clare-bear was probably regretting this right now. I closed the door of the limo once everyone was out, and pat the roof twice before walking towards the others. I caught up with Clare and linked my arm with hers, the sudden giddiness that buzzed around me making me feel light-headed. I looked down at her with a smug smile, and the cute little glare she threw at me almost made me want to laugh.

"I'm on to you, Goldsworthy," she said lowly, a smile creeping on her lips as I led us further into the alley.

"Oh no, you're catching on to my master plan! I have to knock you out and take you to my lair," I gasped dramatically, unable to help the seemingly constant smirk on my face.

Once we reached our destination, I opened the familiar door and let the girls in front of me. Once inside, I could feel the tension radiating from the two girls, but I knew that the tension would soon disappear.

"The jazz records are on the table," I muttered lazily to the men at the table, the password that was given to us this morning.

Once they inspected us, mostly for the show because they knew who we were, all I could see was Clare's face when one of the men opened the door to the club. That face, wide eyed and bouncing with excitement, was enough to last me the rest of the night. Fitz and the boys led the way while I walked behind with Clare, the faint music growing louder as we walked. The growing anticipation in my belly became persistent as we neared the club. I let my eyes look down at Clare, who was looking around like a child in a candy store. A gentle smile graced my features as my heart beat along with the bass around me.

I was expecting something to happen tonight, and I know that I shouldn't be. I was hoping that Clare would fall into my arms and that I would get the chance to let myself go; all I wanted was to be free, for once. I wanted to indulge the fantasies that have been roaming around my heart and my mind for the past several years since her bewitching eyes met mine. The music exploded around us as we finally reached the club full of dancing people and florescent lights. The boys led us up to the top floor, the most private floor, and Clare's grin was infectious by this point.

I knew that this club would be the best choice. I had suggested this club because for several reasons. The first being that it was exclusive, and I could be in peace knowing that I would not be bombarded with short skirts and low tops. It was also the most "celebrity" club in Toronto; if Clare wasn't impressed by the idea of an underground club, I wasn't sure what would. Also, I knew that Adam would be on board because we had just heard that the girls of GCJ would be here.

Well, most of them would be. As I let everyone get situated, I cursed my heart for clenching painfully at the memory of that night at the restaurant when I saw _Lola _on that magazine. When we heard that GCJ would be here, I was ready to discard this part of town completely. But Fitz, _shocker,_ knew for a fact that Fiona and Holly J were the only two girls in town. Adam had a small thing for Fiona, but quite honestly, I wasn't really sure that Fiona was the best person for Adam. She was great; I met her once, and she's really spunky. I just can't help but feel that she wasn't exactly his _type_…never mind. My thoughts returned to Fitz and what I needed to do tonight. My face turned somber as I quickly went to the bar and got Clare and myself the first drink that was on the bar. I needed the drink. Taking a deep breath, pushing my thoughts back, I turned and walked towards Clare and handed her the drink.

She gave me a little scowl, her nose crinkling, and I couldn't back a genuine laugh. "Isn't it illegal to serve alcohol to minors?" she asked skeptically, and she was just too innocent to resist.

I grinned and leaned a little closer, "Come on, live dangerously."

My eyes were suggestive and encouraging as she hesitated, before taking a sip of the drink. My eyebrows shot up as she took the sip, and then laughed expectantly when she scowled once again. Well, it wasn't so much a scowl as it was a pout. Someone as cute as Clare wouldn-AGAIN with that word! I needed to stop this, I was turning into a wuss. With that thought in mind, I took a large sip of the drink and let it slither down my throat, the burn making me scowl momentarily.

"Hmm, I never knew Morty was a drinker," she teased, but I knew she was half-serious. Someone as levelheaded as Clare was surely analyzing my every move and sizing me up. Sure, I liked to drink, but I didn't like to do it for the hell of it. If only Clare knew how many parties I turned down in my lifetime…I was just about to retort her statement, when Adam came by with a chicken ball to save me.

"Oh he's not; I'm sorry to disappoint you, but he's actually a real party-pooper," he stated, speaking the truth, a little too bluntly.

I lifted an eyebrow challengingly, watching as Adam taunted me silently, and I knew I couldn't let him win like this. He didn't think I was fun? Okay, then. _'You're on,' _I thought as I tilted the class and chugged the whole thing in one gulp.

Holy hell, that burns!

I tried to swallow down my cough, but apparently I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to chug alcohol correctly. Proudly, I only coughed once and regained my composure quickly. Adam laughed at me and punched my arm encouragingly.

"I am a man!" I yelled over the music and looked up at the ceiling, grinning victoriously.

When I looked back down to Adam, he was smirking slyly. Confused, I looked to his side and noticed that Clare was blushing wildly in the dim lighting and couldn't look up. Sudden realization dawned on me, and I must've been grinning like an idiot when I looked back at Adam for confirmation. Adam's smirk widened, and my thoughts were correct:

She wanted me.

Oh, if I wasn't cheeky before, I was now. Clare Edwards was flustered around me, the real me, and I was ready to die now. Both of us stared at Clare, I myself trying not to laugh as she looked up with wide eyes. I coughed, failing to hide my laugh as she blushed harder and smacked my arm.

"Hey, shut up, Goldsworthy!" she shot out, and I was more than happy to play along.

"I wasn't saying anything, Edwards!" I retorted, mocking her by smacking her arm lightly.

I chuckled louder when she poked my chest, hoping that she didn't hear my pounding heart. My body was on a high as we started smacking each other constantly, our laughter the only thing I could feel. I just wanted any excuse to touch her now, and I was beyond elated to know now that she was doing the same to me. I just couldn't keep my hands off of her now that I knew, and I was ready to just lean down and kiss her when a cough beside me brought me back to Earth.

I turned sharply only to find Adam staring at me incredulously, teasingly, and I instantly stuffed my hands in my pockets nervously. I bowed my head to hide the redness that was no doubt all over my face. I realized then what exactly I had been doing, acting like a kid again, but I couldn't help it. I would have to endure endless taunting from Adam, no doubt, but no amount of embarrassment could stop the sheepish smile on my lips, looking up through my eyelashes at Clare. How could anyone look as fucking dazzling as she did? She was flushed with all smiles and laughs, and it was all for _me,_ and I just couldn't take it.

"That's cute," I heard Adam blurt out, and my stare in response was a murderous one.

He put his hands up and grinned at me, obviously taking advantage of my vulnerable state. I was on cloud nine right now, not even Adam and his subtle teasing could bring me down.

"Okay well, I'm gonna go get some punch," Clare started, but I wasn't having that.

I stood in front of her, my larger body covering hers completely as I looked down, my eyes boring into hers lazily. "Don't worry, I got this one," I said, my voice low, as I smirked and let my eyes linger before I walked away purposefully.

I walked up to the bar, my body perpendicular to the bar as I leaned my elbow on the bar as I asked the bartender for two punches. Quickly, with no hesitation, I looked back to Clare, who was walking with Adam to some couches. I exhaled shakily, practically shaking with adrenaline, through my parted lips as I watched Adam say some magical words that made Clare light up. I smiled lightly, my mind buzzing with thoughts and scenarios. What were they talking about? I hope to all the gods that Adam was talking about me, and that I was the reason she was smiling so brightly.

"Aww, look at you. You're beaming like a school-girl! That girl must really be something, huh?" a familiar, slightly slurred voice called out nearby.

Taken off guard, I snapped to the voice and growled when I saw Fitz at the very edge of the bar with a cigarette between his fingers. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and his eyes dark. He had obviously seen the whole thing. I felt my fists clench involuntarily and the warmth that had invaded my heart turn cold. My eyes narrowed as my bangs fell over them, suddenly remembering that nothing in my life could be complete without Fitz's splinter on my side.

"Hey, man. Back off," I barked out at him, my voice low and menacing. Fitz scoffed at me and took a puff of his cigarette, and my feet suddenly willed me to move towards him angrily.

"What? I'm simply saying what I'm seeing!" Fitz replied, mirth in his voice. His obvious ignorance of the situation angered me further, making me clench my teeth in frustration.

"No, you're not. You and I both know that things aren't simple between us anymore," I growled, the words sputtering out of me like fire. "Who was I kidding? I can't just pretend that we're gonna be best friends again, because clearly we're not. But quite frankly, I don't care anymore," I said, my arms tightening as I moved them out in emphasis to my words. "I don't care if we ever truly patch things up, or if we never talk about this again. But I do care about Clare…and I won't just sit back and take it like I have been for two years now," I threatened, my voice raw and intense.

His eyes were equally as dark, his mouth etched in a frown that was menacing. He was silent, letting the smoke blow near my face indifferently. I searched his eyes as I resisted the urge to cough, and found no trace of the Fitz that I used to know. His intentions were far from obvious, but I knew that he was hiding something. And I had a feeling that it was against me, that something snapped in him and he was going out against me. I don't care what happens to me, I just don't want him to involve Clare.

"So if you have a bone to pick with me, you talk to _me_. Don't bring Clare into this, she's done nothing against you. I don't want to see another offence against her like I did in the limo," I started, my voice growing darker as I went on. I was familiar with Fitz's approaches, and I wanted Clare out of it. "So you're going to sit back, shut up, and stay away from Clare and Alli. You got it?" I asked, my breath ragged as I waited impatiently for his response.

Fitz laughed silently, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he uncrossed his arms and stood in front of me. It irritated me that he was much taller than me. But I stood tall with my legs wide and didn't back down as he smirked with amusement. Oh, how I wanted to wipe that stupid little smirk off his face.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle," was all he said, before he bumped my shoulder roughly, as he walked past me.

I stood frozen, staring at the wall incredulously. My jaw tightened and I suddenly found it hard to breathe. I needed to protect Clare, I needed to get rid of him, I needed…

Anger and poison were swirling around me, and I clenched my eyes shut as I tried to get rid of them. I took a few deep breaths, contemplating what my next move with him should be. I considered, in my paranoia, kicking him out of the band and ridding him from my life, as I should have done a long time ago. But who was I kidding? Now, during the middle of our tour, was not the time to get rid of our best guitarist. Not now, but later. I was determined to cut him out once and for all. I turned back to Clare, my light, as my heart rate slowed. I just hope that by the time he's gone, it's not too late.

Sighing heavily, I turned back to the bar and took hold of the two cups of punch that the bartender left waiting for me. Before turning back, I made sure that any bad karma was pushed to the back of my mind. I would definitely need to dispel all of these emotions later so that they don't come back to haunt me, but for now I focused on what I was feeling before Fitz showed up. My thoughts focused on Clare, and I knew I'd be okay. I pivoted on my feet and walked towards the couches where Adam, Clare, Drew, and Alli were currently sitting at. Clare looked up at me expectantly and I flashed her a smile as I handed her a cup.

"Sorry for the delay, I had to take care of some stuff. Punch?" I offered, and she took the cup willingly.

She smiled at me, her eyes lingering as she cradled the cup in her small hands, and I swear I almost felt my heart melting. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve such a smile, but I returned her smile, my eyes half-lidded, before she gulped the drink down. I smiled to myself and fell into a comfortable conversation with the others. I turned to Adam, who was currently laughing at one of Drew's stupid jokes, one he was probably saying to impress Alli. When he finally looked at me, his Adam-esque smile still present, I bowed my head slightly and smirked humbly, if there ever was such thing as a humble smirk. He obviously put in a good word for me with Clare while I was…occupied. Otherwise, I wasn't sure if I would've received such a smile from her. He closed his eyes and bowed his head subtly. Good, he approved. I grinned, my heart thrumming to the loud bass of the club, and lifted my arm to rest over Clare's shoulders.

"So anyway, that's how I saved a baby. I'm not a hero, though," Drew finished, grinning like an idiot at Alli, who giggled along with him.

"Oh, are we talking about the time that you saved Adam from the rabid Chihuahua last year? Is that the baby you're referring to?" I asked teasingly, laughing when Adam protested loudly.

"Hey. Your face," Adam hesitated, smacking himself at his own comeback.

I blinked and nodded dramatically. "Yeah, my face. Is awesome. Adam, what kind of comeback was that? Have I taught you nothing, young grasshopper?"

Just when the music changed, my eyes followed Alli and Drew, who stood up and ran downstairs to get to the dance floor. Just as they left my line of sight, I felt Clare shift forward and in turn made my arm fall. No! Why was she leaving? I was comfortable…My next move was immediate; I shot my hand out and grabbed her wrist before she could get up. I pouted and blinked my eyes at her when she looked back, making her giggle in that way that I liked.

"Where are you going?" I asked, my voice soft.

She smiled, like I was missing something, and replied, "I'm gonna go dance."

_Um, what?_

I raised an eyebrow quickly, questioning her motives, while pulling on her wrist suggestively. Did she expect me to let her go out there by herself? Why didn't she ask me to go dance with her? Maybe she wanted to go dance with Alli…but no! She was with Drew, which would make her prey to horny, red-blooded males! I knew what they wanted, they just wanted to grind up against her! No, if anyone was going to be grinding anywhere near her, it was me. Not saying that I wanted grinding, I just didn't want her to be alone and-

"Well, I do expect Mr. Elijah Goldsworthy to show me the proper way to party like a rock star," she said in the sultriest voice that I have ever heard anyone utter, ever. To think that this same voice had sung sweet melodies to me a few hours ago…and now all I could think of was getting that voice to scream my name. Holy hell, that made my thoughts drive into a completely different direction that headed down below my belt.

I felt my blood pump wildly in my veins as I smirked seductively; hoping that I could convey in my eyes what she was doing to me. My smirk widened when I saw her eyes darken to a shade of deep turquoise, and heard her breath hitch on her parted lips. If I thought I was hoping for something before, I was definitely hoping for something to happen now. She mirrored my smirk, then, and I loosened my grip on her wrist when I felt her move. Fluidly, she slid her hand into mine and we laced our fingers together tightly. My heart skipped a beat, my hand burning with sparks as I let myself be dragged to the dance floor, my eyes on our twined hands the whole time.

As the music pounded beneath my feet and the mob of people swallowed us whole, all I could think was…This is really happening right now. I wasn't feeling anxious because of the crowd, I wasn't ready to murder someone when they bumped into my back. Hell, I wasn't even sure where I was, or how I even got down here so quickly. All I could think about was how much I wanted to dance with Clare and forget everything.

With new determination, I stood in my place and held onto Clare's hand to stop her from moving any further. I had waited long enough. I pulled her back into me until she was pressed up against my front. I let out a shaky breath as I tentatively slid my hands to her hips to pull her closer, resisting the urge to groan at the feel of her curves under my hands. She didn't hesitate or push my hands away, and I swear that the thump from the dance floor was coming from my heart and not the wild pace of the bass. I gripped her hips tighter and pulled her closer, moving her hips until we were swaying to the music rhythmically. I could tell she was timid, but then I felt her hips move of her own accord and I smirked. I followed the rhythm of her hips and closed my eyes as my fingers loosened their grip on her hips.

I dropped my head closer to hers and let myself be swallowed whole by the heat of the crowd; I swallowed as I struggled to keep my hands in their innocent position. I opened my eyes sharply and panted near her ear as I tried to control myself as I followed her movements. The music was too intense, the atmosphere was too intimate, the sway of her body was too tempting to resist. My hands were burning from being in their stationary position, I just wanted-

My breath caught in my throat when a particular sway backwards shot electricity up my spine. My eyes widened, darkened, intensified. My blood was on fire. The bass was hypnotizing, it was enticing me as my eyes followed the path of her hands as she traced her sensual curves that I wanted to touch so _bad _until they were up and moving freely above her head. My fingers moved on their own accord as they sprawled and moved over her spec-_fucking_-tacular dress. I didn't even care if I was dancing rhythmically anymore, all I could focus on was my fast intakes of breath and the heat of her skin through the dress as I moved my hands over her, sensually, until I felt the under-wire of her bra with the tips of my fingers. She was just so sexy, with her hands in the air and her movements more natural and smooth now that she was comfortable.

How did she manage to dance like this and make me feel so hungry? Did she even know how much she was affecting me? My body was aching with the need to feel her closer, and I completely forgot about my polite intentions earlier. Screw boundaries. Unable to control myself, I pushed her further into me, my hips moving closely with her. I watched her face as she parted her lips and closed her eyes heatedly.

Was that a moan?

I grunted softly, spurred on by her moan, and dared myself to go further into the dangerous waters. She gripped my hair behind her, making me growl deep in my chest, and now she was coaxing me too much. I bent my head to the shell of her ear, teasing her, before thrusting my hips forward. She gasped, twitched, and then boldly thrust back against me. My breath hitched in my throat, my arms clenched around her as shocks of heat went up my body deliciously. She wanted more, and I was more than happy to give it to her.

Our dancing became feverish now, raw, as I watched her lose herself. She was so beautiful like this, loose, untamable, no care in the world. We were tightly meshed together, my breath ragged and my movements sharp, but it wasn't enough. The friction was amazing and the amount of high I was on was unthinkable, but I wanted to see her. I wanted to get a reaction out of her, I wanted to see her moan and writhe and make her come undone in my arms. I quickly turned her around until she tightly pressed against me. I looked down at the girl in my arms, desperately searching for her eyes, but she was too busy eyeing my hips and torso. I smirked smugly, unable to control the surge of pride that overcame me.

But the smirk was quickly replaced when she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed into my hips, _right _where I wanted her most. I shut my eyes at the intensity and groaned loudly, hoarsely, as my muscles began to twitch. I wanted her, now. There was no denying it. This night wasn't going to end silently, I would make sure of that.

We were grinding together, twisting and panting as the constant pleasure that shot up my spine began to intensify. With half-lidded eyes, I looked down to watch her. Her eyes were already on me, and they were in the shade of my new favorite blue: _dark _blue. She pulled my hair, and I hissed at the pain and pleasure it brought me, subconsciously giving a particular sharp thrust. When I looked back at her face, my eyes instantly fell to her plump bottom lip trapped by her teeth.

My eyes darkened substantially as I stopped my movements and stared in awe as a bright red smear appeared on her lip. My breathing was harsh, from the dancing or her lips, I wasn't sure. My heart was pounding in my rib cage as my hand came up to her face to lift her chin gently. People were pushing against me, the music was numbing my ears, but her lips were like a magnet and I couldn't look away. I ran my thumb over her lip to remove the crimson staining her pink lips. I brought my thumb away from her lips, and put my lips around my thumb. I hummed and closed my eyes, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue as I sucked away the blood. The intimate act made my body buzz, and I did not intend to let her go now. She had to be punished for biting her lip when I told her not to do it. She was too tempting, she had to know this. When I opened my eyes again, I saw her eyes widen and heard her little gasp.

That look. Dear Lord, that _look_. She was breathing harshly, her curls disarrayed and her dress wrinkled from my touch. Her lips were ripe and wet, almost as if they were pleading to be kissed. But her eyes. Her eyes completely floored me. The innocence she held in her eyes was gone and masked by a deep tint of lust and curiosity that was directed towards _me. _It was _me _who corrupted her, _me _alone who would notice the subtle changes. She was practically begging me to do something about it, and I was too riled to even think about anything else.

"I told you to stop biting your lip, Clare," I said, my voice raw, as I brought my thumb to her bottom lip again. I brushed her lip gently, sensually, as my own lips parted in anticipation.

_You just met her today._

_You want to make a good first impression._

_You need to be a gentleman and prove her wrong. _

The small voice in the back of my head was trying to pull me back, and I almost listened to it.

"Why?" she asked, quaking and shaking.

_Fuck it. _

"Because I want to do that," I breathed lowly, before I sunk my hands in her hair and kissed her, desperately, sucking in her bottom lip and _finally _claimed her lips as mine.

* * *

...Ta-da?

I just want to thank everyone who continued to motivate me to write this. I am truly sorry for the LONG delay! I made the chapter long so that it could kind of make up for it...I apologize if it is not edited and rough. I sincerely hope it was worth the wait.

Leave me a little review, yeah? Motivation is good!

**WAZAM**


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